During the fiscal year 2011-2012, Connect 2Help 2-1-1, which runs the Domestic Violence Navigation Hub, responded to more than 4,400 calls for help from people in domestic abuse situations. That number translates to approximately 12 calls per day.
The 4,400 calls that Connect2Help received are from people who had the courage and opportunity to call for help. I suspect there are thousands more abuse victims who don’t reach out for help, with the largest deterrent being fear of their abuser.
I began my editorial with domestic violence statistics to underscore the seriousness of the problem. According to the Domestic Violence Network (DVN), “Thousands of women (and girls) and hundreds of men (and boys) in our community are emotionally, physically, sexually abused by someone who ‘loves’ them.”
Of the aforementioned statement, I can’t help but focus on the last part: people are abused by someone who supposedly “loves” them (quotes added for emphasis). The reason DVN and I emphasize the word love is because it’s a bit of a stretch, because if someone really loves you, they would never hurt you. This is a message we have to educate our teenagers about to recognize abuse for what it is rather than thinking it is a condition of love. In addition, we have to teach our children about the importance of healthy relationships; relationships that include respect, trust and a sense of individual confidence from both parties.
And we have to also teach our children that as they grow and are involved in relationships, they should never tolerate or downplay abusive behavior.
I was surprised to learn that there was a recent case in Ohio that involved a teenage boy being caught on video beating his girlfriend. Before being sentenced last week, the boy’s girlfriend (the one who he beat) actually took the stand in defense of him and asked that he not go to jail. Even more surprising were the adults and coaches who also requested leniency for the standout basketball player.
To understand my shock at not only the victim, but also adults backing this abusive boy, you first have to watch the video that is all over the web right now.
In the video, you see Tony Farmer, an 18-year-old senior from Cleveland’s Garfield Heights High School accost his girlfriend Andrea Lane in the lobby of her apartment building. He proceeds to assault her, punching her small frame, dragging her by the hair and even kicking her in the head. Farmer pleaded guilty to kidnap and felonious assault of Lane.
While I don’t agree with it at all, I understand how Lane, essentially a child can be confused, or perhaps so in “love” that she felt she needed to “protect” Farmer. As I mentioned, I don’t agree with it, but I’m willing to chalk her acts as naiveté. The requests of the adults…not so much so.
One of the primary reasons the coaches and other adults defended the 6’7” Farmer is because of his basketball skills. Farmer was ranked in the nation’s Top 100 high school players and he had already received offers from schools such as Michigan, West Virginia, and Illinois.
When did one’s athletic ability become a pass for assault?
Why is it OK for adults who are supposed to lead by example, excuse the very wrong actions of a child simply because he is a standout athlete?
It appears that some of the adults in Farmer’s life focused too much on his athletic ability and not enough on his interpersonal skills.
When you watch the video of Farmer’s sentencing, you see that he is visibly surprised as the judge reads off the counts. His apparent shock is what’s shocking to me. What exactly did he expect?
Perhaps he thought Lane’s pleading as well as that of the coaches would have garnered him a slap on the wrist.
I commend Cuyahoga County Judge Pamela Barker for sending a clear message that domestic violence is not OK…even if you are a great basketball player with potential to go pro. Athletic entitlement should never apply in the court of law.
It seems as if Farmer, with all his talent, should have considered that before he assaulted Lane. He should have also thought about it before he repeatedly called and texted her threatening messages after the assault that was caught on tape.
So now rather than starting his senior year in high school, Farmer is beginning his three-year prison term. Hopefully, Farmer will use this time to realize the error of his ways as well as determine how he can make a fresh start upon his release. Parents, teachers and domestic violence advocates can use Farmer’s case as an example of how making the wrong choice really does have an impact on one’s future. Though unfortunate, it can be a teachable moment.
You can email comments to Shannon Williams at shannonw@indyrecorder.com.
