Grief is an emotion of sharp, piercing sorrow that is followed by a multifaceted response. The five stages as described by psychiatrists, take the sufferer through feelings of anger, depression and ultimately acceptance. It is the acceptance part that most of us struggle with. In the moments immediately following loss, it may seem to some that the rest of the world has moved on and expects us to ‘get over it’. The sting of death, especially tragically violent death, is a seemingly never-ending surge of flames that threatens to totally engulf us.
In those times we must choose to either extinguish the fire with blasts of blame and bouts of self-destruction or let it burn as time heals the wounds. In the famously quoted scripture Isaiah 61:3, the writer shares that those who grieve will in time receive beauty for those ashes. Charles McMillian, of Indianapolis is a living example of such.
In September of 2002, McMillian received the most dreadful phone call ever. The mother of his children and two young daughters had been killed in a murder-suicide. Unbeknownst to him, the mother, who was McMillian’s former girlfriend of seven years, had been suffering with bipolar disorder and had attempted suicide several times in the past.
“I can’t tell you how many police cars were out there, the crime lab and everything,” said McMillian. “All the neighbors, relatives, friends… it was ugly,” he said following their horrific deaths, he went through a drug and alcohol induced depression that lasted three years. Although he is still not over the dark shadow surrounding what happened he shared that he was able to see the light eventually.
“It’s really hard to describe. The best way I can describe it is like having your heart ripped out. Everything you love and lived for is gone and never to return,” said McMillian. “Nothing can really stop the pain until we stop and take it in and learn to forgive and move on. So I picked myself up and cleaned myself up and left negative people alone.”
McMillian said that the process of turning his life around let him back to the world of mentoring and community activism. He began mentoring at the Brightwood Community Center and working as an urban farmer with the Living Well Community Garden. “It was hard labor but I kind of dug it you know,” he said of the gardening. “It was therapeutic for me to have somewhere to go to let off steam and be at one with nature – to hear the birds chirp, plant vegetables and flowers, and see my work pay off.”
Soon after, McMillian started two other farming efforts in the Brightwood area and recruited area youth to assist. His organization, Culture Thru Expressions – Cultural Competency & Urban Farming was born out of that. He said that the therapeutic qualities of healing, growing, and nurturing the land was something that he wanted to share with the youth as well as underserved, impoverished families.
Recently, McMillian has partnered with the Health and Hospital Corporation of Marion County on its Reclaiming the Village initiative. Reclaiming the Village’s focus is on helping young men navigate adolescence through a variety of programs in conflict resolution, reading, as well as a rites of passage ceremony. McMillian’s group has also begun teaching the young men how to document nuisance abatement issues in the neighborhoods such as abandoned vehicles and illegal trash dumping and address them with the Department of Public Works and Keep Indianapolis Beautiful. Through his work with youth McMillian said he has noticed improvements in behavior.
Culture Thru Expressions also provides educational services via classes on art, history, and personal development. “I’m an artist,” said McMillian, “So I took the urban farming, art history, my love for African-American history, American history, and African civilization and compiled it together to create a way to give back.”
McMillian shared that dedicating his life to working with the next generation has been his “redemption.” “Even though I will never see my daughters again, just working with other children is fulfilling.”
Currently, Culture Thru Expressions is in need of financial contributions and adult male volunteers. For more information on being involved or how to donate email culturethruexpressions@gmail.com or call (317) 551-5609.
