No man should put his hands on a woman in an abusive manner, point blank, period. There is nothing manly or remotely respectable about such acts.
Recently, the sports world was all abuzz when NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell suspended Baltimore Ravens running back Ray Rice for two games and fined him nearly $500,000 for a domestic encounter with his then girlfriend Janay Palmer. During the dispute, Rice punched Palmer, who is now his wife, so hard she was knocked unconscious. There is video that shows Rice pulling Palmer’s lifeless body out of a casino elevator.
While many are upset over what can be interpreted as a slap on the wrist punishment, I am not going to debate that particular issue. What I will discuss is domestic violence in general and its evolution over the years.
As I stated earlier, no man should ever abuse a woman. And no woman should ever put her hands on or physically abuse a man either.
We all know domestic violence is a huge problem. Many of us have either personally experienced or know someone who is or was previously abused. We also know domestic violence is an incredibly touchy subject that garners a lot of emotion and combativeness.
It is important for me to very clearly note that I do not support the abuse of any person – man or woman. But I also think we have to look at domestic violence in its entirety and that means acknowledging the fact that women, though they make up the majority of abuse victims, are not the only gender who is domestically abused. There is a growing demographic of men who are victims of domestic abuse.
I am a woman and naturally, I support women. I also have female friends who, in previous relationships, were victims of domestic abuse. I like to call them survivors of abuse rather than victims because through their own strength, courage and God’s will – each of them survived those brutal relationships.
On the flip side, I also know of men who were abused by their female spouses.
You read correctly: I know of men who were physically abused by their female partners.
As a matter of fact, in 2010 the Center for Disease Control and Prevention conducted a study and found 40 percent of victims of “severe physical domestic violence are men.” More recently, other data suggests that number has increased. The reason we don’t hear about male abuse victims as much is because of the perception that men are physically stronger than women, therefore they should be able to subdue their female attacker. In addition, men who do report being victims of abuse are more likely to be ridiculed – both by law enforcement and the public – than women are.
Since Rice’s punishment was announced and even since ESPN’s commentator Stephen Smith’s controversial remarks about provocation, everyone has been talking about domestic violence as it relates to women. Though women represent the majority of those physically abused, we should not ignore the minority. It’s important to inform the public about domestic violence in general – and not only in regards to a certain gender.
ESPN’s Smith is not one of my favorite commentators. Many of his remarks seem unnecessary, in poor taste, and downright rude. However, I think his latest rant was misinterpreted a bit. Though he may not have expressed himself as clearly as he should have when he talked about women doing things to ensure they don’t provoke a man, I understand what he was trying to say. At least I think I do.
In my opinion, Smith was trying to say women (he should have also said men) should not do overly aggressive things to provoke their partner. This includes being verbally abusive, taunting someone, physically striking them, and spitting on them among other things. Physical abuse is bad and should never be condoned, however, people have limits and those limits sometimes get pushed by certain behaviors. Such behaviors are often called “triggers” that can result in retaliatory actions.
The larger conversation we should be having is on effective ways for individuals to deal with pressure and make smarter choices across the board. Once we learn better conflict resolution skills, we will have fewer incidences of domestic violence – with male or female perpetrators, homicides, child abuse, bullying, etc.
Continuous conflict resolution training that starts with children and continues throughout adulthood is the best tactic to reduce aggressive behaviors.
