In today’s society, the concept of a blended family is not at all uncommon. Many potential mates already have children either living with them, the other parent or with “Mama n’em.” Because of this, the “family” that you may have envisioned (Mom, Dad and 2.5 children that come five to 10 years after you’re married) may not be what you get. You may end up with a ready-made family, none of whom you’ve raised. And contrary to popular belief, raising children is not the hardest thing in the world … raising other people’s children is!
Defining “blend”
When I ask someone to define “blend,” they typically will say, “to mix.” While that may be true, let’s look at it a different way. If you buy a bag of mixed fruit, you know what’s in it: strawberries, pineapples, apples, etc. The reason you know is because you can see it; you can tell the difference. However, when you get fruit punch, you don’t know for sure what’s in it unless you read the label. It’s truly blended, as opposed to just mixed or thrown together.
That’s what happens in many families. They may start as “mixed” or “put together,” but they never progress to being actually “blended.” When they are truly blended, it’s much harder to tell the difference.
Expanding the “blended” scope
Now, I’m sure some of you are like many of the people we meet: You’ve already written this article off, because it doesn’t apply to you. Neither of you had or have children before the marriage, so you are not a blended family. However, just because you don’t start off as blended doesn’t mean that you will not end up being blended. There are a variety of situations that can create the need for the blend.
In the first chapter of the book of Ruth, both Ruth and Orpah joined with the family of their husbands, as was the custom of the day. They knew what they were getting into, which is therefore an anticipated blend. However, because of a crisis situation (Ruth 1:3-5), an environment of success (Ruth 1:6) and stellar character (Ruth 1:8-10, 16-17), they ended up becoming a blended family.
In the story of Sarai/Sarah and Abram/Abraham, they ended up becoming a blended family after they were married. This was the first recorded “baby mama drama,” starting in Genesis 16:1-10 and continuing all the way up to Genesis 21:8-13. (And remember, Abram had a baby with Hagar after he was already married to Sarai! That a whole ‘nother article!)
Blenders are not created equal
We’ve had several blenders over the years. The main reason we’ve had to get another one was because they would burn out. However, we bought one about 15 years ago that is incredible! (It should be; it cost like $400!) You can almost make a pork chop smoothie with that thing! It will turn tap water and a few vegetables into hot soup within five minutes. It will blend; it just takes time, friction and patience (and sometimes a lot of noise!) to do it.
Just like blenders, not everyone can handle a blended family. But if someone is not willing to accept you and your children, then they are not the one for you, simple as that. If you try to force that situation, you’ll see burn out.
One thing to remember: With the right ingredients and the right blender, the product can be so much more than what it was before coming together.
Chris Hull and his wife Diane teach the “Saying I DO” classes at Eastern Star Church. They can be contacted through their company “Marriage Making Sense” at marriagemakingsense.com.
