From an early age we’re taught to help others as much as possible, however, as we get older, helping people too much can actually do that individual, as well as ourselves damage.
When we help someone to the point that they are not doing things for themselves, our efforts are no longer considered helping, but more enabling. Of course there are exceptions to this rule. For instance, an individual might have a particular handicap and be unable to ever perform certain tasks; helping this person is not enabling them. However, if you help someone who is capable of doing for themselves, that’s enabling.
There’s a lot of enabling going on in the Black community, which is particularly frustrating to me, because there are not many of us who help one another.
Sounds confusing doesn’t it?
Here’s an example: A woman who supports a man who doesn’t work, doesn’t try to work, but who is also physically and mentally able to work, is enabling that man. When we enable a person, we’re giving them permission to not use their ability to excel and do things for themselves. Enabling a person can lead to that person becoming lazy or even feeling a sense of entitlement.
Sadly, I’ve discovered that people are more likely to enable one another, than they are to voluntarily help each other. To illustrate this point, let’s consider a woman who takes care of a man. Rather than equip that man with the necessary tools needed to get a job, these women would rather take care of that man. They perceive that as helping him, but actually, they’re hurting that man. While the actions on the woman’s part can be attributed to her not having the necessary resources to pass on to the man, I think it also has a great deal to do with the fact that many Blacks simply don’t know the difference between enabling and helping.
Some mothers enable their children all the time, even once they become adults. Family members tend to enable one another more frequently than they do their friends. But friends also enable each other.
The behavior of enabling someone is a dangerous game too many of us play. Quite frankly, it’s the reason there is so much crime and corruption in the world today. When we enable someone and don’t allow them to utilize their natural talents and ability, eventually that person loses sight of what they’re actually capable of. By the time the enabler gets fed up and stops their action, the enabled person is left not knowing what to do and how to make it. So, rather than obtain a job, many people resort to stealing, robbing and committing other crimes.
We have to learn the difference between helping someone and enabling them.
Helping a person is assisting them with their efforts, whatever those efforts may be. Enabling a person is doing the effort for that person. It’s like that common saying goes: working together works. As long as we work together and not do the work for another person, we’ll all be a lot better off.
To some degree the state and federal government enable people all the time. I often use those on welfare as an example. While the welfare program was devised to “help” people during times of need to get on their feet, it has actually enabled a lot of people who now rely on the system to feed, clothe and provide shelter for them. Many people on welfare are perfectly able to work; they just don’t because they’ve become complacent with their enabled stance.
While much of the responsibilities lie on the enabler, those who are reaping the benefits of these people should also be held accountable. We have to have the initiative to do for ourselves. Though it might seem like a sweet deal to people who are being enabled, it can also be viewed as a form of control — that’s why many men are with women they don’t really want to be with; because they’re being supported and provided for and essentially don’t have anywhere else to go or anyone to turn to.
In short, let’s work on improving ourselves — that includes using our God-given skills to live life to the fullest as well as knowing when to help and when to step back and allow others to help themselves.
