“I love you!”… three little words that can be so very special and impactful in our lives. We’ve said it and meant it. We even read last month’s article that told us the different types of love. But do we know HOW to do it? As we’ve discussed in previous articles, men and women are different in almost every way. (I’m telling you, if you just get THAT, then the rest of it will be a lot easier!) This includes in how we love and want to be loved.
Love that protects
Ephesians 5:25 tells husbands to “love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” The Bible even refers to the church as “the bride of Christ.” This shows us that in general, women feel love by feeling secure, protected, covered. Mind you, this does not mean that a woman is “weak” or “needs saving.” This is dealing with how she feels love. She wants to be secure. She doesn’t want to feel exposed. She wants to know that everything is taken care of. She wants to know that she is safe. And she wants to know that she is safe with YOU!
I remember in January of 2006, the Chicago Bulls were locked in an overtime battle with the visiting New York Knicks. Antonio Davis, then with the New York Knicks, looked up in the stands and saw his wife was in some sort of altercation with a male fan. Davis never hesitated as he went directly into the stands, stepping over the scorer’s table in the process. Now, he KNEW he was going to incur some sort of penalty. However, he said he did it because he saw his wife being “threatened.” Fellas, there wasn’t a woman that saw that who wasn’t impressed!
Love that respects
Explaining the concept of a “protecting love” for seven verses, Ephesians 5:33 (not even the whole verse, just the second part!) talks to the wife. “Respect her husband.” Just that simple. Men feel love by feeling respected, and especially in their own home by their own wife.
I knew a situation where the husband came home and noticed the screen door was repaired. “What happened?” he asked. “Oh, I had the guy next door come over and fix it,” was his wife’s reply. He said he almost ripped that door off its hinges! Now, before I get hit with, “Well, how long had she been asking him to do it?” please understand that while that is a legitimate question, it has nothing to do with her husband feeling disrespected. Even if she knew he didn’t have the time or maybe the skills to do it, a simple “Honey, are you OK with me getting someone to repair the door?” could have gone a long way.
Simple stuff: Don’t go against something we have “decided” without checking with me. Don’t involve me in something that I don’t know about. Don’t challenge me on EVERYTHING! Respect me … please.
I’ve got to remember that my mate is not me, and I need to love them the way THEY want to be loved. I may not intend to make my wife feel unsafe or exposed, and she may not intend to not give me respect. However, if that is indeed the impact, then it needs to be taken care of.
Chris and his wife Diane teach the “Saying I DO” classes at Eastern Star Church. They can be contacted through their company “Marriage Making Sense” (marriagemakingsense.com). You can also email Chris at jchristopherhull@gmail.com.
