There was a point in time when I was younger and perhaps a bit naive, I used to think overly rewarding someone for something that they were supposed to do was a bit excessive. Now, however, as time progressed and my naivete diminished I realized I was wrong.
While there are some exceptions to my theory such as paying students to make good grades, when they should be expected to study hard and do their absolute best at all times; there are instances where people should be recognized and shown appreciation — even if their actions should be the standard.
Single mothers who work hard and try with all their might to be effective parents are examples of those who should be commended for their efforts. Recognizing these countless women as we conclude Women’s History Month is especially fitting.
My brother, sister and I were raised by a single mother who loved us very much. Though my mom passed away over five years ago, my love for her is as deep today as it was then. When we were younger and our friends would spend the night with us, they never wanted to leave when it was time for them to go home. My siblings and I simply concluded that our friends were having too much fun to go home, but as we approached our teenage years and began to be more inquisitive, we realized it was something much different.
One friend of my sister told her that when she was at home, her mother rarely had conversations with her, other than to instruct the child to do something. My brother’s friend told him that both his parents were never home; granted they each worked, but even on their off days — the parents didn’t interact with their children. When one of my closest friends continuously told me she hated her mother, the young journalist in me asked her to explain why she hated her mother so much. My friend, who was only 15 at the time said she detested her mother because she was mean, negative, and made my friend pay bills with her babysitting money — even though the mother worked, had a boyfriend (who was jobless) living in the house, and received child support. Later in life another friend told me that her mom never — not once — told her daughter that she loved her.
When I was in the prime of my teenage years I realized that simply because someone is your parent, doesn’t mean that they are the best parent for you. This is around the time that I realized that I was not only blessed to have the mother that I did, but incredibly blessed. It was then that I fully understood why recognizing single mothers who do a great job of raising their children is so important.
I can only imagine how difficult it is to be a single parent. Not only do you have to work hard to pay the bills by yourself, but you also have to be attentive, loving, and deeply invested in your child’s day-to-day activities — it’s truly a balancing act that many mothers can’t maintain. It takes an incredible amount of strength, courage and tenacity to persevere as a single mother. And sadly, many children aren’t fortunate enough to have a mother who encompasses all of these characteristics. What’s even sadder is that because of the vicious cycle, many of these children may grow to be the same type of parents as their own. However, I do know people who grew up in less than desirable circumstances with very ineffective parents, yet these people broke the mold and are wonderful, attentive parents who do a fantastic job of providing for their children. Basically, the way we are and the type of people that we become in life boils down to the choices we make and the lessons we learn from all of them.
This editorial is not to slight single fathers in any way, as I know plenty who are doing a great job of raising their children. However, data show that there are more single mothers in this country than single dads. Personally, I’ve even encountered more single mothers from all socioeconomic levels than single fathers.
Hopefully this editorial will reinforce to some single mother out there that her tireless efforts aren’t in vain, as you truly are appreciated and should be continuously commended for the effective job you’re doing. I also hope that my words will motivate a woman out there who, though a single mother, isn’t doing all that she can to be an effective parent. I hope that she knows that her efforts, or lack thereof, will have an effect on her children.
