Yes, I am still one of Jehovah’s Witnesses.
Though popular opinion may proclaim something different. I am not an apostate — someone who is against the religion. For me, being called that word is so extremely offensive and derogatory that I would prefer to be called a female dog or the n-word. To be classified this way for trying to survive in a faith-based community where I asked for help multiple times and where it was impossible to find emotional safety is unfair.
What I am is a survivor of religious trauma, someone who has experienced overwhelming physical, emotional and psychological responses to specific religious practices, such as the horrendous patriarchal system that has overall silenced the voice of abused victims within the religion for generations. However, this same behavior happens in many other religions also.
Religious trauma is an international issue. Thankfully, I learned through the process of graduating cum laude from IWU with a degree in psychology of human relations that I am far from alone. I stumbled across religious trauma and the benefits of drama therapy, and that is when my healing journey truly began.
There are different pathways to find safety.
For example, some may walk away from the belief in a higher power, some may explore the world of spirituality and decide to be a spiritual person, some may find a different religion to practice and others, like me, decide to be a PIMO, physically in and mentally out of the religion.
To explain further, like many other people, I was raised in a high-control, high-demand religion. Although my trauma is complex, I feel that the main issue is my family system, which sadly holds a generational curse of domestic violence that reaches back to before my family line became Jehovah’s Witnesses. The problem is too strongly entrenched. My entire family of Jehovah’s Witnesses sided with my ex-husband and abuser within the religion, and they did not stand by me despite my darkest moments, which included self-harm.
With deep self-reflection and consulting with religious trauma professionals, I discovered that it benefits me best to simply hold onto my core beliefs and do away with certain standards and rules that I feel are not Biblically based. As a result, I have limited contact with the Kingdom Hall that I go to, meaning I worship at home.
After all, when I tried to explain that I have religious trauma and that the only sources I could find at the time taught people how to exit the religion of Jehovah’s Witnesses completely, I was told, “We are just a spiritual organization.”
It was at that exact moment that my response was, “Then I will create something to help people.”
Come check out my play Aug. 8-9 at Fonseca Theatre Company, and be sure to stick around for the Community Conversation hosted by Indianapolis Recorder’s own Camike Jones, Editor-in-Chief.
Get your tickets today at miraplay.eventbrite.com!
Contact Mira Cassidy at mira@miracassidy.com or 317-620-1592 for coaching services or to be connected with a licensed clinical professional for continuing education or trauma-informed ministry training.
