In this column from the “Ending Religious Abuse” series, columnist Mira Cassidy explores how people can cope with grief or estrangement from loved ones during the holidays.
Recently, an older woman asked me for my Christmas advice. She had a dilemma in trying to make Christmas plans this year since she was newly widowed and her dog of over a decade died unexpectedly. I felt very bad for her, and my mind seemed to focus on the intense theme of loss.
As I listened to her go back and forth trying to decide if she should make Christmas Eve plans versus Christmas day plans, I was trying to find a tactful and appropriate way to explain that, being one of Jehovah’s Witnesses, I have never celebrated the holiday, so it may be better to ask someone else.
Eventually, I chimed in and suggested that her personal budget would be a really wonderful deciding factor. Once I learned that money was no concern, I weighed in differently.
First, I explained that although I had never celebrated Christmas before, I had observed a type of thrill that seems to take place on Christmas Eve, followed by the ambiance and excitement of Christmas morning.
Next, I compared the grief that she was feeling to the estrangement of some survivors of religious trauma syndrome. According to Marlene Winell, Ph.D., religious trauma syndrome “can be compared to a combination of PTSD and Complex PTSD.” This condition arises from abuses experienced within religious environments.
Some survivors completely cut family ties to survive and heal. As a result, many struggle around the holidays and find themselves feeling an exacerbation of symptoms.
With these things in mind, I encouraged the older woman to think about creating new traditions with meaning around this time. I even suggested that she search for a social circle to her liking, or that she create her own. At the conclusion of our discussion, she thanked me and said that although I do not celebrate Christmas, she felt like our conversation was divine.
If you are coping with Christmas grief due to a loss of holiday traditions, consider looking for a social group of other like-minded individuals to ease the pain. Or, have you considered the world of solo travel? There are groups designed for individuals to meet up with other solo travelers.
On the other hand, doing something simple could be a solution, such as eating your favorite meal and binge-watching a beloved funny sitcom in your pajamas all day. You are not alone. Support is out there; you just have to find the group that fits you!
Contact Mira Cassidy at mira@miracassidy.com or join her private Facebook support group: Sisters Living with Religious Trauma/Syndrome ®
