I am a strong woman. I can look a challenge dead in the eye and give it a wink with my mink lashes and blow it kiss with my Ruby Woo lips.
I am loyal to my colleagues, my friends and, most of all, to my family. I believe relationships are precious gifts and should be treated with respect and dignity, even when we don’t agree. As I have become more seasoned in life, I have developed a special place in my heart for women, probably because of the obstacles we face at home, at work and in our social circles.
Women have to be strong. We have no choice; there is so much on our plate. Each morning I look at my reflection in the mirror and I think to myself, “I’m a grown woman.” I have an attitude, strong opinions and, at times, a loud voice, and I’m not afraid to let it be heard. I believe with every ounce of blood that is pumping through my veins that we as women can do anything, and we can do it in our stilettos while never missing a beat.
With that being said, I have one question: What happened to “girl code”?
I’m not talking about the rules on how to dress, walk, talk or eat.
Ladies, I’m talking about the sisterhood — that special bond that only women share, our rules and guidelines for keeping each other from being put out of the inner circle. They’re the rules for being a girl that are taught to us when we are young and expanded throughout all phases of our lives.
In our continuous fight for equality, we have started to fight one another and place our “girl code” to the side like an empty water bottle. Seriously, where did it go? Did we forget? As if the fight wasn’t hard enough with the men in our world, now we have decided we will fight each other? Does that make you feel strong? Does that make you feel like you are a better woman than the one you’re hurting? This makes no sense to me.
I’ve been struggling with this issue lately, so I took the opportunity to talk to a few of my trusted girlfriends to see if they agreed and find out which codes they had witnessed being violated. During our talks, I asked them if these violations came from a need for a refresher course or if women were not aware of the code. We were all stumped.
Here are a few girl codes we need to remember:
From Melissa: #nohating. Melissa stated that as girlfriends or colleagues, we must build each other up instead of tearing each other down. As women, we find ourselves second-guessing our selves, and we really should work on boosting each other’s confidence.
Melissa went on to share that we need to “try honesty.” Women with genuine hearts will tell you if you look a mess, tell you when you are wrong, tell you to suck it up or step away. And if I understand girl code, you know you may not like what is being said, but you accept because it’s given out of love. Interesting words.
From Tori: Tori, whom I’ve known since roamin’ the yard at Indiana State, reminded me of the importance of celebrating each other. At any given opportunity, we should celebrate our girls in front of others and behind closed doors. She reminded me that an “Atta girl” goes a long way when it’s sincere.
From Nichole: When I asked Nichole for her response, she immediately replied without missing a beat, “Never be a mean girl!” I’m sure women around the city are nodding their heads in agreement about this one, because we’ve all experienced a mean girl in one way or another. She “throws shade” but acts like it’s not directed to a particular person. She’s nasty, always trying to pick a fight by being a bully, and tries to intimidate people she perceives as being weak. She is divisive, and storm clouds follow her even on the sunniest of days.
Nichole also added that as women we must “lift as we climb,” meaning bring others along. We spent a lot of time talking about this one, because as busy women, it’s hard. But as we discussed the pros and cons that come with bringing women alongside us, Nichole stopped me and said in her sista-friend voice, “Maggie, there is a special place in h#$% for women who don’t support other women.”
So, my sisters, take out your girl code manual, dust it off and give it another read through. Take a moment to add a few chapters and revise a few, too. Go look in the mirror and ask yourself a few tough questions. Do you truly honor the code? How long has it been since you lifted up another woman? Are you a mean girl? Who are you bringing alongside you?
Ladies, we must honor the girl code. Our strength is in our numbers. Remember, one woman can make a difference, but together we can ROCK the world!
#girlpower
Maggie A. Lewis is president of the Indianapolis City-County Council.
