Father’s Day is meant to celebrate dads, but for those who are fatherless, the day won’t be joyous. Those in the Black community are particularly vulnerable to fatherlessness due to high rates of death stemming from violence or chronic health issues such as high blood pressure.
Though the men are alive, Black men also face considerable amounts of incarceration and some simply don’t take responsibility for their families, leaving many in the Black community without a daddy.
“In 1960, when I was five years old, it was 25 to 30 percent of babies born out of wedlock. In 2015, it’s at least 72 percent. It’s a crisis,” said Carey Casey, CEO of the National Center for Fathering.
A New York Times analysis titled “1.5 Missing Black Men,” showed that more than one in every six Black men in the 24-to-54 age group has disappeared from civic life, mainly because they died young or are locked away in prison. This means there are only 83 Black men living outside of jail for every 100 Black women.
Casey said fatherlessness has hurt the Black community in more ways than one. He said when a father is not there, a child is more likely to be poor, drop out of school, be involved in crime and abuse drugs. Girls are also more likely to become teen mothers when their dad isn’t there. These behaviors are oftentimes passed on to generations continuing a cycle of destruction.
“There are no perfect dads in any community, but by a dad just being there, those statistics flip flop,” said Casey. “Children need a father, grandfather or a father figure.”
He knows “dead beat dads” have been the crux of many of the issues that plague the Black community, but said sometimes there are “dead broke dads” who feel shame, guilt and embarrassed because they are unable to adequately provide for their families.
Inadequate information and lack of a healthy support system are key reasons dead broke dads run.
“It isn’t pretty because a child always wants to connect with their father,” said Casey.
Carol Braden, executive program director of Brooke’s Place, an organization that helps grieving kids, said adults should take kids’ feelings for their missing fathers seriously.
“Unmet grief impacts a child greatly. When you think of a child, their brain is still developing. That care we need as a child and how we learn to view ourselves comes from our main caregivers. When that person is taken out of our lives, we take that personally,” said Braden.
She said a child then internalizes those feelings and oftentimes expresses their pain, anger and confusion in negative ways like depression, anxiety or addictions.
“Ninety percent of those who are incarcerated have had the death of a loved one, most within their childhood,” said Braden.
Though kids deal with absent fathers differently, Braden said adults should acknowledge the child’s natural feelings and create a safe environment for them to share their feelings. This practice is particularly good for kids whose fathers have passed away.
“A lot of dads have been taken away due to violence and it can be difficult to grieve until we have justice. And if a family doesn’t get justice, that can be even harder for a child,” said Braden.
Every day without a father can be difficult, but Father’s Day can oftentimes exacerbate feelings. Experts say families should do their best to make the day joyous and meaningful.
Tiffany Papageorge, award-winning author of My Yellow Balloon, a book that explains death to children, said people should put their sadness aside and “take back the day.”
“As adults, sometimes we want to forget the day, but we should honor that child’s father. Make your own traditions for that day – do something their dad would have loved. Create a meaningful experience that’s your own,” said Papageorge.
Casey suggests men who act as father figures be celebrated on Father’s Day too.
He adds that for dads who are alive, but not taking care of their children, the holiday is a good reminder for them to regain their title as dad.
He suggests men reunite with their family; develop a positive relationship with the mother if they are unmarried or divorced; maintain employment; emotionally connect with their children; and positively prepare them for adulthood.
He also encourages Black men to support one another and look to pouring into a youth’s life that isn’t their biological child.
“You don’t have to be the best or brightest or have tons of money, but there’s something about when a family comes together and a father takes his position as a leader,” said Casey. “Accept the responsibility that you have been given and the awesome opportunity to carry the name ‘father.’”
For more information, contact the National Center for Fathering at (800) 593-DADS or visit fathers.com; Brooke’s Place at (317) 705-9650 or visit Brookesplace.org.
