In recognition of Mother’s Day, these local moms and community leaders share their lessons in motherhood – what they’ve learned from their mothers and what being a mother has taught them.
Learning how to be
Khaula H. Murtadha, associate vice chancellor for community engagement at IU Indy, learned many lessons from her mother’s presence. Her mother, Thomasina Brown, who was deaf, taught her how to be.
“There were not words of wisdom that I valued, per se … but how to be in life when others may not value your worth, how to be loving of children, to be fully present, to be aware and demonstrate your worth, your gifts from God,” Murtadha said.
Brown was a “deeply talented believer who fought through patriarchy, sexism and ableism to raise daughters who bring worth and contribute their gifts to make a difference in the lives of others as their mother did,” Murtadha said.
Resilience was one of the biggest lessons from Erien Dickens’ mother.
“She showed me what it meant to keep going, even when it’s hard. That stuck with me — get up, stay grounded and move forward with grace,” said Dickens, a mother of four and founder of All Things Mommie.
Rupal Thanawala, CEO of Trident Systems LLC, was raised in Mumbai as the youngest of five daughters. Her mother, Dayaben, married at the age of 12 and was unable to pursue an education because she took care of a large family, including her in-laws.
“She was a very intelligent woman, I felt, who did not have the opportunity to be herself because she had a lot of responsibilities,” Thanawala said.
Thanawala’s mother wanted her to have the opportunities she did not have. She gave Thanawala as much time as she needed to study while teaching her the value of giving back to others.
Each day before she ate, Dayaben gave food to neighbors and street dogs, filled the bird feeder and made an offering to God. Every morning, she gave a penny and a piece of fruit to the girls who showed up at their 350-square-foot apartment door.
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“I learned one thing from her: You don’t have to be a multimillionaire to be a philanthropist,” Thanawala said. “You share whatever small portion you have. When you share, it multiplies. Good karma multiplies wealth and happiness in the family.”
Thanawala said the empathy and compassion people see in her now were all she saw in her mother then.
Lessons for the next generation
For these moms, passing along the lessons their mothers taught to their children was essential. Dickens wants her children to know God and never dim their light.
“Never shrink who you are to make others comfortable,” Dickens said. “Know you were created to be great.”
Keeping family first was important to Damita Jefferson’s mother; she wants her three sons to hold on to this value.
“Always give family 100% and everything else may not need as much,” Jefferson said. “There will always be distractions in life, but family is the constant.”
What Thanawala learned from her mother has already been passed down to her children.
“I just feel that the values she instilled in me, I didn’t have to work hard to show it to my children because kids are watching us,” Thanawala said.
She, her husband and her two sons cared for her mother during her final years after she was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. Thanawala said it was a gift to honor her mother in that way; they were the best eight years of her life.
What motherhood teaches
Society can be judgmental of mothers, Thanawala said, but it’s important to know that, given the circumstances, they are doing their best.
While motherhood is filled with joy and celebration, Chrystal Westerhaus, a mother of five, said it can also feel deeply lonely due to the criticism mothers often receive.
“Criticism causes us to be afraid to share,” Westerhaus said. “It should be walked out in community and fellowship with others who understand the journey.”
Motherhood is the hardest role she has ever had, but there is no role she desires more deeply, Westerhaus said. Still, learning that her children are not hers to own has been humbling. She now sees her role as one who instills values, offers support and prays as her children grow into their own identities.
“I’ve been entrusted by God to shape, guide and love them, but I cannot claim their actions as reflections of my own,” Westerhaus said.
Patience is key for Jefferson.
“You must have patience to be able to raise children,” Jefferson said. “There is no handbook; there is no how-to guide, and every child is going to be different.”
Through all the challenges, Westerhaus considers motherhood to be an honor.
“It is a sacred responsibility, and I walk it with gratitude, grace and faith,” Westerhaus said.
Motherhood has taught Dickens that her expectations for herself were too high.
“I’m learning to lead with grace, and I need that reminder, especially when things don’t go the way I expected or hoped,” Dickens said. “I’ve learned to slow down and enjoy the moments, the laughs, the milestones and even the quiet in between.”
Contact Editor-in-Chief Camike Jones at 317-762-7850 or camikej@indyrecorder.com.
Camike Jones is the Editor-in-Chief of the Indianapolis Recorder. Born and raised in Indianapolis, Jones has a lifelong commitment to advocacy and telling stories that represent the community.
