Last month, Toya Graham became an unintentional celebrity, after she was captured on video striking her 16-year-old son, Michael Singleton to deter him from joining crowds in Baltimore, Md. who surged into the streets in the wake of Freddie Gray’s death.
“I’m a single mother with one son. He will not be a Freddie Gray,” Graham, 42, wrote on Facebook shortly after she was caught on camera hitting her son on the head and demanding he tear off his ski mask.
Anthony Batts, Baltimore Police commissioner, praised her actions.
Batts told Baltimore reporters, “I wish I had more parents that took charge of their kids out there tonight.”
The mother has since appeared on several TV shows to discuss her actions and even received a phone call from Oprah Winfrey.
While some praise her, others are critical, revealing inconsistent cultural attitudes about physical punishment.
Minnesota Vikings running back Adrian Peterson spanked his son for using expletives and abusing his sibling.
The NFL player used a switch, or a tree branch, to spank his son, his lawyer said.
“He used the same kind of discipline with his child that he experienced as a child growing up in east Texas. Adrian never intended to harm his son and deeply regrets the unintentional injury.”
Despite these stated intentions, Peterson was booked and charged with reckless or negligent injury to a child, a felony, in Montgomery County, Texas. The father was released after posting $15,000 bond.
Due to his child abuse case, the NFL then gave Peterson a six-game ban, minimum, that cost him $4.14 million.
Both Graham and Peterson used physical punishment to discipline their children, so why is one praised and the other criticized?
“The difference between the Baltimore mom and Adrian Peterson is one, Adrian Peterson is a large NFL player and his son was much younger. Physical scars were left. The other dynamic is that the mom was a mom and the child was a teenager,” speculated Dr. Michael McKenna, assistant professor of clinical pediatrics at Indiana University and Riley Hospital for Children at Indiana University Health.
He notes and understands the societal inconsistencies with corporal punishment. He said most Americans were disciplined this way as a child and use the practice on their own children.
According to Dr. Alan Kazdin, a psychologist at Yale University, by the time they reach adolescence, 85 percent of American children will have been spanked.
McKenna pointed out that past family practices, such as permitting kids to ride in cars without seat-belts, have changed. He argues that the tide is changing on corporal punishment.
McKenna said despite societal inconsistencies, he believes corporal punishment has negative effects on kids.
“The American Academy of Pediatrics says, and I believe it as well, they are against corporal punishment mainly because it teaches kids to solve problems physically. They learn ‘if there’s a problem, the answer is to use my hands,’” said McKenna. He also opposes spanking and other forms of harsh discipline because sometimes, people take the punishment too far.
McKenna said the only time harsh punishment should be issued is if the child is in danger, for example hitting a child who’s close to reaching a hot stove.
He adds that spanking spans all cultures, but notes the Black community is more up front and open about the practice.
While Graham has received praise, some see racist undertones to society’s support of her discipline. One Huffington Post writer says the support reveals that “America wants a ‘strong angry Black woman’ keeping her ‘thug’ son in check.”
Indianapolis resident Andrew Locke agrees that society picks and chooses when corporal punishment is OK and when it’s not, but stands behind harsh judgment when kids misbehave.
“It seems to me that when we agreed as a whole spanking was OK, there were a lot less problems. I mean kids did bad things back in the day, but not like today. These kids today are something else,” said Locke.
Born in the late 1970s, Locke recalls a time when kids were spanked at school for misbehaving. He also shared a personal instance when after misbehaving, his neighbor spanked him, told his mother about his infraction, and when his father came home from work, he was spanked again.
McKenna said his expert advice is for parents to look at discipline differently: spanking is easy, but putting the time in to truly teach the child right from wrong takes time, but works out better in the long run.
He said the key is to establish clear rules with consequences for infractions and being consistent with the punishment.
“People say time out or ‘1,2,3, Magic’ doesn’t work, but usually it’s because of inconsistencies. Two minutes later when the child is whining, they get to watch TV again. You’ve got to have clear rules,” said McKenna.
