I remember a time when older men and women were considered wise and the bridge between the past and the present. The advice they gave would be used to shape the future. What happened to the good old days? It seems we live in a time when good, sound advice is now being thrown by the wayside and deemed as judgment.
I remember going to the grocery store with my mother and hearing her say, “Don’t ask for nothing, because you ain’t getting nothing.” My brother (Anthony), my sister (Synetra) and I would walk through that store like soldiers and not say too much of anything. We would happily help our mother get the items she told us to get off the shelves as she moved through the store. If she paused, we paused. If she stopped to have a conversation with someone she knew, we would stand there silently and wait for her.
Nowadays, you see children running in the stores, from aisle to aisle. You see them throwing what they want into carts, and you can hear them from three aisles over. It makes you ask, what happened to structure? What happened to discipline? I remember seeing caucasian children doing this when I was younger. I wondered why they had what I perceived as the freedom to do what they wanted to do. The fact of the matter is, they did.
We were once a disciplined people. Can you imagine the discipline it took to get out of the shackles of slavery? What happened to the people who boycotted the Montgomery buses for 381 days? Think about the drive, the determination, structure and discipline it took for us to get beyond the Jim Crow laws of the past. During those times, we were trained to not attempt to emulate the caucasian culture, because if we did, it would cost us our lives. Emmett Till was beaten, mutilated, shot and thrown into the Tallahatchie River for simply speaking to a caucasian woman. We do not have the strict rules of the Jim Crow laws of the past, but there are some rules that we as Black people are totally ignoring.
Know that there will be people judging you by the clothes you wear or how you look. Isn’t it amazing how people claim they are “doing me,” but their style matches every other person you see? How many young men do I see with sagging pants, Jordan brand gym shoes, loaded down with tattoos? If you truly believe you are doing you, think again. I have four tattoos, and I am thankful I have them in places that are not obvious to the eyes. When I talk to our youth, I tell them to, before they get a tattoo, imagine themselves being the best at whatever they want to be in life. I tell them to think about being at a resort for a company conference, or at a ball where evening gowns are worn. Then I ask them if they would be embarrassed by their tattoos. Most, if not all, of the young people said they would, even if they had the ability to cover them up.
Remember the grocery store and how my mother would not allow us to just throw things in the cart? When we went to the store, we were there to get the things we needed. Generally, there was not enough money to get the things we wanted. We have got to stop giving our children everything they want. We are raising children who are now confusing the needs of life with the wants of life. We have created a criminalistic society, because our children feel justified for stealing or selling dope; they feel they need materials and do not realize those are just the things they want.
There is only too much freedom when we start making decisions that are detrimental to life. I am not condoning the behaviors that were demonstrated against us during the Jim Crow period. However, I am saying we need to get back to a place where discipline and correction are relevant in our culture and communities. I believe if we can get back to this place, then we can move forward with an unprecedented power, while saving our own lives.
Correction is done in love. Judging is not. Watching someone live life with no discipline or structure is a form of neglect. We need to stop loving people to death and start loving them to life.
Greg Meriweather is the host of the Black On Black Radio Show and the chief executive officer of Black On Black LLC.
