“The first duty of love is to listen …”
“Auntie Sheila, what do words look and feel like?”
This was the question that my friend’s daughter asked after overhearing the following part of a conversation between her mother and me:
Me: “Do you see what I’m saying?”
Friend: “Yes, Sheila, I do… and I feel you.”
Her puzzled expression made me instantly smile, because I could already see more questions forming and the wheels turning in her 5-year-old brain. She continued:
“Auntie Sheila, how come you ask Mama if she sees what you’re saying? How can you see the words if you’re just saying them? And Mama, why did you say you feel Auntie Sheila, what do her words feel like?”
I glanced at my friend with a “let me answer this” look, and she laughed and nodded.
“Your mama and I are friends, and we know each other very well. When I talked to her, she did more than just hear what I was saying; she listened to how I said it, she watched my expressions as I talked and felt my heart. Your mom and I are so close that we have the magical ability to hear what we’re saying even if we don’t say it out loud. She doesn’t just hear me and focus on the words, but she also listens and focuses on all of me. Your mom paid complete attention to all of me when I talked, and that made a difference.”
She paused and replied, “So when you listen, you gotta use all the senses.” I nodded.
She was quiet for a moment, got up and hugged me and whispered, “Auntie Sheila, I see what you’re saying, and I feel you, too.”
The gift of listening…
This is the season that represents a time of anticipation and expectation as we reflect on the birth and life of Jesus Christ in the world. But it is beyond the birth; it is a reminder of the continued power and presence of Christ, who is with us for the joys and challenges of this season. This is the season to listen and pause, even though we seem to live in a time without listening and pauses. But when we take the time to listen to God, it can show us how to listen to others with all of our senses.
The Chinese symbol for listening includes multiple symbols that represent the various senses that are used to listen. In addition to hearing, listening calls for us to see, focus, feel and think.
“The first service one owes to others in the community involves listening to them. Just as our love for God begins with listening to God’s Word, the beginning of love for other Christians is learning to listen to them. God’s love for us is shown by the fact that God not only gives us God’s Word, but also lends us God’s ear. We do God’s work for our brothers and sisters when we learn to listen to them.” — Dietrich Bonhoeffer
Listen
Listen with your heart to connect with the hearts of those who have a difficult time during this season. Seek ways to be sensitive to needs, present and caring, yet not overbearing.
Listening affirms the voice of the speaker, their existence and who they are.
Listen by looking for opportunities to be a blessing to the community that is around you. When you truly listen to someone, you are saying:
I hear you.
I see you.
I feel you.
Give the gift of listening.
Do you see what I am saying?
Minister Sheila P. Spencer is an author, educator and poet. She can be contacted at CustomMadeInspiration@gmail.com, and her website is sheilapspencer.com.
