There are those who will say that bullying never really hurts anyone, that it builds character, that it is a rite of passage through childhood and teenage years. Those are the people who never had food thrown at them in the cafeteria or were voted most unlikely to ever have a date. That girl was me, and I still remember how it felt to be on the outside. These episodes pale to what both kids and adults experience today.
Bullying isn’t more prevalent today than in the past. We are just more aware of it. Bullying seems to have become a part of our everyday world, whether in school, at work or in the neighborhood. Because the effects are hazardous to health and success in many aspects of life, it’s time to put an end to bullying. But one can’t recognize what one doesn’t know so we need to understand what bullying is, the results, and the reasons behind it.
Bullying comes in many forms, some of which I have outlined below:
n Physical bullying is any physical contact that would hurt or injure a person like hitting, kicking or punching.
n Verbal bullying is name-calling, making offensive remarks, or joking about a person’s physical appearance, religion, gender, ethnicity, or socioeconomic status.
n Indirect bullying is spreading rumors or stories about someone, telling others about something that was meant to be private, and excluding others from groups.
n Social alienation is excluding someone from a group on purpose, getting others to avoid the person, or making fun of someone by pointing out their differences from the “in group.”
n Intimidation is threatening and frightening a person enough to make him or her do what the bully wants.
n Cyberbullying is done by sending messages, pictures, or information using electronic media, computers, or cell phones. Of all these forms of bullying, cyberbullying has become the most insidious and may be very difficult for parents or teachers to recognize. It can go on 24/7 and the bully can stay anonymous. Studies vary, but depending on the definition and the age group being studied, up to 68 percent of students now report having been cyberbullied.
n Bullying can lead to suicide (now known as “bullycide”), school shootings, falling grades or work performance, depression, stress and even post-traumatic disorder. Research shows that kids who are bullied develop loneliness, increased susceptibility to illness, an inability to form healthy relationships, depression and anxiety disorders. Girls may be more likely to have a psychiatric hospitalization as a result of bullying, while boys who may already have behavioral health problems tend to get bullied in the first place. Bullied kids miss school and their grades and self-esteem drop. A recent study showed that bullied children of color are at increased risk for negative academic outcomes.
Bullies are more likely to have experienced family violence and been bullied themselves. In some cases, bullying is a means to control or dominate others and feel empowered. In other cases, bullies are simply arrogant and concerned with preserving their own self-images. Unchecked childhood bullying develops into adult bullying behaviors such as criminal activity, domestic violence, and even sophisticated character assassination. Bullies enlist others to help in their actions (bully accomplices) who may join the bully out of fear or to gain prestige. Bully bystanders are those who are aware of bullying that occurs, yet do little to intervene.
What can you do to recognize and intervene in bullying taking place around you? Recognize the signs and changes indicating that bullying may be present. You are your child’s best advocate – contact his teacher or principal; seek help from people you trust. Work with your child to tell the bully to stop, walk away if possible, tell a trusted adult, stick with friends or a group, and use the law if necessary. Support the victim by helping them to recognize that they aren’t alone, it’s not their fault and not to hurt themselves. Self-blame is not the answer.
Sometimes things come full circle. I was bullied. I now see my kids bullied. Wiping my daughter’s tear stained face, I hum to her a song I never imagined would be part of our lives, but strikes the perfect chord:
You’re beautiful in your way
‘Cause God makes no mistakes. You’re on the right track baby
You were born this way. Don’t hold yourself in regret. Just love yourself and you’re set. You’re on the right track baby. You were born this way. – Lady Gaga
