Waiting for anything is becoming increasingly more difficult in the age we’re living in. Frankly, with the majority of necessities easily available within a matter of minutes, most find there’s no reason to exercise patience by waiting just a little bit longer for anything.
However, when it comes to sex, there are still those who believe the wait is more than worth it. Although pop culture rarely shines an admirable light on more conservative Christian-centered values, virginity continues to be a topic of discussion.
Beyond the sexually repressed 40-year-old tuba playing, comic book loving character played by comedian Steve Carell or the equally awkward stars of Virgin Diaries, a reality show that followed the lives of adult virgins, there are others who have proudly broadcasted their vows of chastity, such as football players Tim Tebow and Prince Amukamara. Adriana Lima, a Victoria’s Secret model known for her sexually appealing looks has been quoted as saying she believes sex should be reserved for marriage.
Newlyweds, 26-year-old Darryl and 23-year-old Whitney Hale believed the same and both remained virgins until their wedding day this past weekend. The former Ms. Jones, who comes from a strict Pentecostal Apostolic background said her principles and faith in God were key factors behind her decision to wait.
“Church was basically our life, our parents instilled Christian values in us at a very young age, from birth you could say,” said Whitney. The self-described “goody two shoes” admitted that during her teen years there were moments where she wanted to branch out and do her own thing. “I was shameful and embarrassed at times because I wasn’t doing what my other friends were doing,” she said sharing that at the behest of her family she didn’t attend school dances and parties. At the end of her senior year she was finally comfortable and secure in her faith and her decision to remain abstinent.
A recent study shows an uptick in the number of virgins between the ages of 15-24 in recent years with 27 percent of men and 29 percent of women saying they’ve never had a sexual encounter. Beyond the seemingly obvious precautions of sexually transmitted disease and pregnancy out of wedlock, other data shows that waiting has many upsides, one being a high rate of success against divorce. A study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family, found that 31 percent of women surveyed who lost their virginity as teens divorced within five years, and 47 percent divorced within 10 years.
With all of its high marks for morality’s sake, some feel like waiting too long can cause major issues, especially for those severely lacking in experience. On a Nightline special on virginity’s rise, Rutgers University anthropologist Helen Fisher warned that not only do waiters not know how to handle themselves physically, they may have problems socially if they haven’t been properly acclimated to the “courting” process. The Hales, whose religious affiliation forbids face to face “dating” prior to engagement, and only allows group dates during the engagement process, agree that inexperience was a worry for them.
Darryl, who only had one girlfriend prior to becoming engaged to Whitney said, “That is something I worried about because I didn’t know what to expect.” When it comes to consummation, Whitney humorously shared those sentiments, “We were very concerned about our first time because we’d never seen each other in that light, we’d never seen each other without clothes on or been real affectionate with each other, so when it’s time on the honeymoon you’re like ‘God, how do I operate around this man without all of the clothes and things that we normally have?’” Whitney said their pre-marital counseling helped ease any apprehension they had about their first intimate experience.
The Hales, who plan to have children in the distant future, said that the fact that they both chose to wait for one another has given them a solid foundation to build upon.
She admits that, like many would imagine, it was tough to abstain from going there with someone she was attracted to and emotionally invested in, but it was a challenge she and her husband were game for. In response to those who may feel that waiting is old-fashioned and impossible, she said, “It’s hard to deny yourself from that, but it’s really worth it in the end. I think it’s very possible.”
