Living with or being raised by grandparents is nothing new to the African-American community. Over time, however, the family structure has changed dramatically and grandparents caring for grandchildren or great grandchildren have become more difficult.
Alfreda Singleton Smith, senior director of Client Services at The Villages, a foster care, adoption and family services agency, said one of the most notable changes in what’s now called “kinship care” is that grandparents caring for loved ones is no longer a private, family matter.
“Now we’re looking at kinship care rising to the level of it being a child welfare issue. Families have always stepped in to take care of each other and for the most part (the Black community) weren’t involved in the welfare system. But today, it’s more difficult for families to manage these things by themselves,” said Smith.
She said oftentimes, when families stepped in to take care of children, it had a lot to do with parents finding a job. Today issues such as drugs, incarcerated parents, mental health issues, lack of housing, instability, immaturity and neglect are bringing children to grandparents’ homes.
“Regardless of the reasons why, it’s best that kids remain with their family,” said Tawanna Lewis, director of programs for the Martin Luther King Community Center. “This way, kids are able to maintain a continuous connection to their family.”
Placing kids with a grandparent is ideal, however grandparents are facing tremendous hurdles in order to raise family members.
Despite increases in older people keeping jobs longer, a large percentage live on fixed incomes. Some have retired and have made plans to enjoy their empty nest. Once children come into the mix, a wealth of additional financial resources are needed to cover basic needs and additional expenses such as child care.
Of those that choose to legally become foster parents over their grandchildren, they can receive a per diem, but of those that don’t seek guardianship they are referred to the Indiana Department of Family and Social Services to apply for SNAP or food stamps and Temporary Assistance for Needy Families (TANF) commonly known as welfare. Smith said there have been situations where grandparents aren’t informed of any services and are footing the bill themselves.
To avoid legal challenges, Smith advises grandparents to seek legal guardianship. In less ideal situations grandparents must go to court, prove they are the better caretaker and a judge will decide the outcome. But in ideal situations, like Veola Davis’, the biological parent will voluntarily relinquish their rights.
Davis has always been in her granddaughters, Eriann and Adryanna’s lives, but once their mother was incarcerated for selling drugs, she decided to seek custody.
“There was a time when Eriann was ill and I had to take her to the hospital. I couldn’t find (their mother) so I had to pretend to be her so (the insurance) would pay,” confessed Davis. “Sometimes (their mother) would come pick them up at 11 or 12 at night or try to take them away if she was mad at me. I said ‘this has to stop.’”
Davis’ grandaughters’ mother willingly gave up her rights.
The concept of a grandparent has also changed and many are in their 40s or 50s. However there are many grandparents raising grandchildren who represent the traditional grandparent. With old age comes health issues and couple that with babies, toddlers, kids or teens and challenges can compound.
“You’re always happy kids have a safe place to live, but if you’re 15 and your grandmother can’t walk very well, you may need to cook or do the laundry. Sometimes the kids have to take care of grandma,” said Lewis. “In these situations we encourage caretakers to think about creating a plan when they are no longer able to safely care for kids or if they die.”
There’s also the issue of embarrassment and the reasons why grandchildren are in the home. Smith said people may have raised stellar children equally, but there’s one who may have fallen to worldly ills or are simply irresponsible. This brings emotions such as grief, anger, feelings of being taken advantage of and inadequacy among others.
“I used to be ashamed (of my son) but you know what, you have to make peace within yourself and know that it’s not a reflection of me. We have to pay for our own wrongdoing,” said Davis. “I’m training my granddaughters now so they can make wise choices and take care of themselves.”
There are also feelings of isolation, due to the fact that others in their social networks aren’t raising grandchildren or feeling different among younger parental groups.
Every parent faces ups and downs when raising children, however grandparents’ many challenges can create a crippling sense of fear that “if I don’t do a good job, someone is going to call child protection and take them away from me.”
As grandparents go through difficulties, so do the children who oftentimes deal with anger, grief, depression and anxiety over reasons why they are in their grandparents’ care. There are also instances when due to differences with ages and experiences, siblings have different opinions about their biological parents.
Furthermore confines in financial resources and health issues limiting caretakers’ activeness, can affect kids’ social health and senses of normalcy can suffer.
In order to combat this, Smith suggests grandparents and/or grandchildren seek mentoring and counseling services. The Villages offers a support group for grandparents and if they or places like the Martin Luther King Center can’t fulfill their needs, grandparents can look to organizations like Starfish Initiative, Girls Inc., Big Brothers Big Sisters, and Center for Leadership Development among other local programs for help.
Smith does want to remind people that kinship care isn’t always a negative situation. For example, a young daughter may have become pregnant but wants to attend college so she leaves her child with her parents. Another example is when someone with children enters into the service or are deployed into battle.
Grandparents’ struggles are varied, but many agree that they take those challenges head on for the well being of their innocent grandchildren.
“They find strength somewhere to just do it and care for these kids because they don’t want to see their families broken apart,” said Smith.
For more information, call the Martin Luther King Community Center at (317) 923-4581 or visit MLK-MSC.org; or The Villages at (317) 775-6500 or visit Villageskids.org.
