Let me start by saying there are too many absent fathers. Their absence definitely plays a role in the struggle our children have, which carries on into adulthood. We must do better as fathers. I will definitely be writing about that soon. Now, let’s get to the topic for today.
There are many mothers raising young men by themselves. This is an unfortunate fact. It is a dangerous one, as well. In spite of the moms being upset with their sons, you always tend to hear them say, “But he is my baby.”
There are so many young men who don’t even know how to get themselves up in the morning. What is going to happen when he is a grown man? What is it going to look like when you are expecting him to be responsible for doing this simple task on his own?
Life for a Black man is no cakewalk. As bland as this statement is, I feel compelled to say it. The world is not going to be easy on him. There are so many people who are already against him. He must be prepared to be ridiculed and mistreated. He must get used to having many doors closed in his face. He must get used to hearing no. How do you go about raising the most hunted creature on the face of the planet? This is why fathers are so important, because the hunted can teach a youngling where the traps are and how to move around them. But if you have a man in your home who can give good guidance, then this is not for you.
Mom, I know he is your baby, but you have to do something to increase the caliber of man these young men are becoming. If he is wearing $200–$500 jeans and $200 gym shoes and does not work or have a job that can afford him these items, let me be the first to tell you, HE DOES NOT NEED THEM. What lessons are you teaching him about money? What are you teaching him about being able to earn for himself? He will more than likely grow up believing that material things define who he really is, like most of us do. If he gets used to a woman providing for him now, what type of woman do you think he is going to look for in the future? You guessed it: one who will provide for him. You hear so many women saying, “I am not taking care of a man.” Yet there are so many already doing it, and creating the exact man they talk about so badly.
Growing up, I knew my mother loved me, because she provided me with a decent living and made sure I was able to survive without doing something immoral, unethical, illegal or dangerous. I grew up in the Jordan era, but my mother refused to buy me those shoes, because she said I needed to know the value of a dollar. She also said she wanted me to understand how long it took to make $110 dollars. Unfortunately, there are too many kids who were not taught this lesson, and now we have adults who sell drugs, rob, steal and kill to have material things.
I urge mothers who do not have men in the household to raise the type of man she would marry. Stop doing everything for him and believing he will change from that privileged lifestyle to becoming a provider and caregiver to his family. He won’t take out the trash, clean gutters, cut grass, wash and gas cars, and fix things that need to be fixed if you are always doing it for him. Sleeping until noon is INSANE if you are not working second or third shift. It’s even worse if you are not working at all. The likelihood of your son growing up to maintain the lifestyle you are providing for him is slim to none. Teach him lessons while you have the chance. If you wait until he is used to it and is almost an adult, he just might become disrespectful toward you.
Don’t force him into a lifestyle of wrongdoing to have material things. Going to prison for chasing a fictitious lifestyle makes absolutely zero sense. Dying to maintain a fictitious lifestyle is just unimaginable.
Again, we do need fathers in the household, but if he isn’t, that doesn’t mean ease up on how you are raising your baby. One day, he will be a man, and a whole new world will be waiting on him. Will he be ready?
Greg Meriweather is the host of the Black On Black Radio Show and the chief executive officer of Black On Black LLC.
