Black women talk creating balance, feeling joy and following your excitement
When she found herself passed out on the bedroom floor, Dr. River Sturdivant realized something needed to change. She had been juggling multiple work obligations, consulting contracts and caring for her family.
While she was constantly pushing herself to work more and care for others, she was ignoring her own feelings.
“You can’t continuously grind yourself into the ground if you actually pay attention to how you feel,” Sturdivant said.
In her yoga practice, she learned the concept of ahimsa, which means to do no violence. She said it’s like a form of torture to starve somebody, deprive them of sleep and dehydrate them, but that is something people do to themselves all the time.
For Black women especially, she said, the concept of the “Strong Black Woman” has been wired into the DNA, but living up to that idea takes a psychological toll.
“None of the aspects of over-caring (or) putting yourself last can happen if we are tapped in and tuned in to how we feel,” Sturdivant said. “It all lives on the fact that we suppress and repress our emotions.”
Her emotions became the wisdom she needed to reset the pace of her life and work. To process her feelings, she created support for herself which included therapy, a carefully curated inner circle and deep training in emotional intelligence.
“For me the game changer was when I flipped, ‘nos’ to other people are ‘yeses’ to me,” Sturdivant said. Saying yes to herself became a regular practice.
“I am worthy of my own time,” she said. “I am just as worthy, if not more worthy, than anyone else that I’m around or connected to.” So, she does not suffer at all from FOMO, or the fear of missing out. She is happy to rest at home and hear about events after they happened.
Redefining success
“Rest is part of my definition of success,” Sturdivant said.
Author and nonprofit executive Tamara Winfrey-Harris would love to normalize Black women doing less.
“I know so many Black women that are (saying), ‘I’m on five boards,” Winfrey-Harris said. “I’ve got a big, important career. I’m leading this committee and that committee. And I’m exhausted. I’m sending you emails at three in the morning.’ And then that becomes the picture of what we say success looks like. And is it? Does it feel successful?”
Winfrey-Harris said creating a new vision of success was necessary for her in her search for liberation. Her latest book, “A Black Woman’s Guide to Getting Free” debunks many of the myths Black women face in their personal and professional lives.
“I realized that I wasn’t really being very free and I wasn’t taking care of myself because it’s just almost built in,” Winfrey-Harris said. “As you slip into that mode where, ‘I just got to get these things done’ and you just start running flat out.”
She found herself pushing to achieve certain things and not being sure if she was getting any joy out of it; it just seemed like something she should do.
For those who always put work first, Sturdivant said prioritizing wellness is a step toward success at work.
“Our mission and our assignment is connected to and dependent upon our wholeness,” Sturdivant said. “So, if we feel like we’re called to something, we can’t accomplish it broken or unwell or sick.”
Following your excitement
Since transitioning to the healing work which is aligned with her purpose, Dr. Sonya Broadnax said she no longer has the ailments she had before such as hypothyroidism, GERD and adrenal fatigue syndrome.
About 20 years ago during meditation, Broadnax said she heard a voice telling her she was meant to heal and teach. With a doctorate in health psychology, she was working in the traditional psychology field at the time. As the years passed, that voice grew louder.
In 2015 she learned about Reiki, an ancient Eastern healing methodology and she became a certified Reiki master teacher. She is also a certified HeartMath practitioner. HeartMath acknowledges the connection between the heart’s rhythm and a person’s stress level and well-being.
Through HeartMath, Broadnax learned how, “our emotions affect our heart rhythm pattern.” This led her to understanding the “replenishing emotions” such as gratitude, appreciation and care.
Transitioning from traditional behavior therapy took years of inner work, meditating and praying for guidance to make sure she was on the right path. She now leads quarterly Reiki trainings at Voices Corp. She also works at the Mindfit Counseling Group and Wellness Center offering Reiki and a Rapid Renewal Program.
“By following my excitement and what I feel is my purpose, that’s a regenerative type of emotion,” Broadnax said. “So, my heart is responding in a way that we call ‘heart coherence.’”
Working in her purpose felt good and harmonious, two words that are not often associated with choosing a career path. Those good feelings translate to the body being able to perform at an optimal level, Broadnax said.
Broadnax maintains her wellness through her belief in a higher source, meditation to quiet the mind, practicing Reiki and regulating her own energy and emotions. She also implements HeartMath by focusing on breathing and being in a state of gratitude, appreciation and coherence.
She said being honest with herself about what does and does not feel good helps to keep her heart and brain aligned.
“It took a lot of inner work, it took a lot of meditating, it took a lot of praying for guidance making sure that I was being true to me and most importantly following my excitement,” Broadnax said.
Finding joy
Chelsea S. Reed, a working wife and mother, began making changes in her work and life when she noticed her “essence was different.” Typically, Reed would describe herself as a joyful person, but some years ago she started to recognize that she was not present for many of the moments in her life.
“In every aspect of my life, I want to absolutely be the best, give the best, be as present in all that stuff as possible,” Reed said. “You can’t give 150% to every single thing though we try.”
Over time it became unrealistic to keep that up and she recognized she couldn’t give so much of herself to everything all the time. She eventually learned to balance, at times giving 90%to one part of her life and 10% to another.
“I want to be clear,” Reed said. “I don’t always have it together. It’s a journey.”
Part of her journey is giving herself permission to be present and giving herself grace, which she defines as self-kindness. That’s why Reed takes moments to reflect, calibrate or celebrate.
Reed gives what she calls “petty compliments.” These are little reasons to celebrate herself and the people around her. Intent on finding joy she regularly asks, “What can I celebrate right now?”
Since these shifts she feels like she can navigate life more fluidly and she experiences more joy.
A new way to work
Winfrey-Harris’ rule for women in the office is, “do not cut the cake.”
She noticed anytime there was a potluck or birthday celebration, the women in the office would automatically get up to slice the cake and serve.
“No matter what level, you could be the CEO and you’re handing out cake,” Winfrey-Harris said. “No matter what you want to do, sit down and don’t cut that cake.”
Men can use knives, too, she said. And don’t offer to take notes, she added.
Sturdivant no longer feels the pressure to work until exhaustion. She has seen too many women, specifically Black women, “giving birth in the cotton fields, which is not our birthright.”
Working with a clear purpose and being guided by her feelings has not slowed Sturdivant down. It may be just the opposite. In December 2024, she became the executive director of the Arthur Dean Family Foundation. She is also the owner and operator of Expand Flow Grow: Inner Leadership Solutions (EFG). After years of training leaders around the world, she often found their biggest roadblock was what’s happening internally.
“Leadership is an inside job,” Sturdivant said. At EFG she trains others in mindfulness, self-awareness and “leading from within.”
Reed released herself from the “unnecessary pressure” of acting as if everything is perfect.
“I know that whatever I give, I’m giving my best,” Reed said.
Making yourself a priority, before work and before what other people may need or want from you is paramount according to Winfrey-Harris.
“If I was leading a revolution,” Winfrey-Harris said, “then all the Black girls, young women, older women, we would all be prioritizing our own needs, desires and peace.”
Contact editor-in-chief Camike Jones at camikej@indyrecorder.com or 317-762-7850.
