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Thursday, March 28, 2024

3 reasons I, ironically, feel closer than ever to my family!

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One thousand twenty-seven miles south of here, my aunt and uncle are staying warm in their second home in St. Petersburg, Florida. No, they have not hit the beach! Seven hundred thirty-sixmiles east of here, my only first cousin is creatively maximizing his tiny apartment space in Brooklyn. Five hundred forty-eight miles south of here, another cousin is growing her new business while homeschooling her three young kids in Atlanta. One hundred twenty-one miles southeast of here, my in-laws are splitting their time; FIL as a retiree and co-caregiver to his mother and MIL as an essential worker and co-caregiver to her mother and grandmother in Cincinnati. Twenty-nine miles northwest of here, my extroverted mother has surprisingly picked up technology to virtually connect to her book and investment clubs. Twenty-onemiles southwest of here, my other aunt and uncle are managing their new normal in Carmel. And 14 milesdue west of here, my uncle (employee of the month and lasting impression award winner, by the way) is serving as the first face in a hospital in Indianapolis.

Stay-at-home orders are still in place and hundreds and hundreds of miles separate us, yet I feel closer than ever to my family! Technology, consistency and challenges are three reasons why Iā€™m able to stay connected to my family and I encourage you, especially our Black and brown communities to implement these three simple steps in your home as well.

1.Ā Ā Ā Ā  Technology

Zoom existed before COVID-19, but I had never used or even considered using video conferencing with my family prior to this pandemic. Iā€™ve used it at work over the years for board meetings I couldnā€™t attend in person and recently a few happy hour sessions with friends ā€” but never with family. Four weeks ago (Easter Sunday to be exact), we tested Zoom for the first time as a family so we could feel somewhat connected on an important holiday that most of us would have normally been together. All of us were home, Zoom is free (first 40 minutes) and it was worth a shot. We all logged in, poured our favorite drink and began to talk about how weā€™re adjusting, who needs anything, who is using delivery vs. curb-side pick up, what first-world problem is inconveniencing us today, etc. Ā 

Your action: Identify one person in your family to ā€˜ownā€™ or be responsible for setting up Zoom sessions and bringing your family together. I play that role in my family and I send the meeting link via our group text. If you do not already have a family group text ā€” please set that up as well! Zoom pro tip: Check the ā€œrecurringā€ box so you can use the same link every meeting for ease.

2.Ā Ā Ā Ā  Consistency

Like any good habit, consistency is key. Our family Zoom is at 3 p.m. every Sunday. This new rhythm gives us something to look forward to each week and removes the guess work (if or when) weā€™ll meet again. If all 10 of us can make it or just three of us, we keep it going ā€“ same day ā€“ same time ā€“ Ā every week.

Your action: Find 40 minutes each week that most of your family can check in with each other. If your family is significantly larger than mine, try to divide and conquer your family in to groups of 16 so you can still have meaningful dialogue during your sessionā€” the 40 minutes fly by and Zoom just cuts you off!

3.Ā Ā Ā Ā  Challenges

Itā€™s not what you think! We have enough problems to worry about. We donā€™t need another issue to add to the mix. But by week three (if you choose to Zoom consistently with your family), youā€™ll find yourself repeating some of the same dialogue from who is wearing their mask to when can I get my hair done again! Youā€™ll need to be intentional with how you spend your time. Competition is my number one strength finder, so it should be no surprise that I added a game to our family sessions! This past Sunday I created 10 different challenges. One by one, everyone picked a number (we went in order by birthday month) that reflected a challenge they are expected to complete by our next call (yup, at 3 p.m. Sunday!) Examples: My aunt drew the planking challenge ā€” plank every day this week and add 30 seconds to your time each day. My mom drew the drinking challenge (well, technically she drew the vegetarian challenge but she used her one steal and swapped with my husband ā€” poor guy!) ā€” drink half your body weight in water every day and text someone in the family each night that you are done. My cousin drew the reading challenge ā€” read Psalms 9-12 and report back next week in two minutes or less what you learned, just to name a few! Oh, I got the podcast challenge ā€” listen to all six episodes of ā€œ1619ā€ by Nicole Hannah Jones (over 400 years of slavery). I canā€™t wait to see her (hopefully in November) when she comes to Indy with Steward Speakers!

Your action: Come up with simple challenges that get you and your family out of their comfort zones. By design, I created healthy and mentally healthy related challenges to keep my family focused on positive and doable things to incorporate in their life.

These past several weeks have been stressful. The fact that my family is taking this time to consistently check in with each other, share stories, pass along Instacart and Groupon delivery tips, play games and laugh is the best outcome of this ā€˜rona, and Iā€™m grateful that technology is bringing us closer. Two months ago, we rarely checked in via phone. Now with a click of a video meeting, I, ironically, feel closer than ever to my family

Weā€™re all in different boats, so I recognize not all families can mirror this exactly. COVID-19 is real. So, if your sole focus is to stay healthy and you do not have space for anything else, it is OK. Weā€™re in this together and letā€™s stay together by flattening the curve. If your family does not have access to smart phones, computers or Wi-Fi, I encourage you to reach out to community centers for families like the Indianapolis Urban League who can support some of your needs or point you in the right direction. Soon the African American Legacy Fund of Indianapolis (AALFI) will also have additional resources and grant opportunities to better serve our community.

If you do have access, make time and celebrate technology as a connector. We can no longer make excuses for not adopting technology. It may bring you closer to your family as well!Ā  Ā 

Tamara Cypress is communications committee chair of the African American Legacy Fund of Indianapolis (AALFI).

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