The year 2002 was the last year that I truly celebrated Mother’s Day. This is so because later that same year – my loving and devoted mother, who was my world – passed away.
Since then, Mother’s Day has been incredibly challenging for me. Over the past seven years I’ve made it my personal business to become a recluse on that day by either staying at home or hanging out with my brother and sister. Although I’d get many invitations to friend or family dinners and gatherings – I’d always decline. As a matter of fact, I wouldn’t even go to a restaurant because I knew I’d see families – happily celebrating their mothers.
I became the Mother’s Day Grouch and I was OK with it because my mother was no longer with me. While I always relish in the good times I had with my mom, I have simply been too sad to celebrate other moms. Although I knew my attitude about Mother’s Day wasn’t healthy, it was hard for me to get out of my funk.
Last year, however, things got a bit better for me and I began to make progress.
One of my closet friends and sorority sisters LaToya Dix had just had her first baby only a month prior to Mother’s Day, so that year’s occasion was going to be extra special for her. For the first time since my mom’s death I allowed myself to do something I thought I’d never be able to do again – purchase a Mother’s Day card. The key is to take baby steps, right?
While buying a card may seem like no big deal to some, it was major for me. You see, I’m a card person…and I always gave my mother cards – whether they were ones that I purchased or ones that I made myself. I found absolute joy in tirelessly searching the card selections for the best “just because” card for my mother. The Mahogany brand was my favorite.
Last year when I strolled down the card aisle, I didn’t stay as long as I used to, but I still managed to find the perfect card for my friend. Later that day as I was writing a message on the card, I found it difficult, but necessary. My love and happiness for Toya overrode the grief I felt that particular Mother’s Day. It was also important for me to let Toya know how proud I was of her.
I was growing.
Although I’m still a recluse on that day, I am now able to tell people happy Mother’s Day and actually mean it. As I continue to grow and evolve personally, I’m sure I’ll get stronger and stronger – eventually having the ability to wholeheartedly celebrate Mother’s Day. This specific column is helping me with my journey.
I’m pretty sure I’ll still cut myself off from society on Sunday, but I’ll do so while also celebrating mothers all over the world.
To be a mother is an awesome responsibility that sadly, many don’t take as seriously as they should. I commend mothers for being the outwardly strong women they have to be, even while feeling weak on the inside. I commend the women who sacrifice their own wants and needs for those of their children. I say thank you to women who are single-handedly picking up the slack of absentee fathers. I recognize women who are struggling to make ends meet, yet allow their children to be children and know nothing of being poor because they have so much love. I lift up the women who go above and beyond by being very active and involved mothers to their children – the ones who are at every parent/teacher conference, the ones who expose their children to different people and activities, and the ones who make time to simply talk and listen to their children.
Mothers are truly worthy of praise on Mother’s Day as well as every other day of the year.
I now understand the importance of celebrating mothers, even if mine is no longer with me.
Happy Mother’s Day!
