The conversations are uncomfortable. As alive as we are in this moment, it’s challenging to think about the moment we will not be here anymore. And it makes it feel a little more real when you say the words out loud.
End-of-life planning can feel uneasy. Many people avoid it altogether, because they thought they had more time or they would just rather not talk about it.
The estates of beloved entertainers Chadwick Boseman and Malcolm Jamal Warner have been in the news recently. In both cases, there are discrepancies between what they planned in advance and how that has been executed since their passing. Boseman died without a will and Warner died without updating his will to include his wife and daughter, according to court documents.
These men were well-known and reportedly had considerable assets in their estates. Still, their loved ones were left to figure out what to do. We know these scenarios don’t just happen to people in the spotlight. According to a 2025 survey by caring.com, only 22% of Americans have a will.
If you have ever received the call that a loved one has passed, hearing the news can be hard enough. When a person has not laid out plans, it can feel like it’s already too late to get it right.
For anyone who has experienced a loss, you almost always feel unprepared. We wish we had one more conversation, laugh or hug. We wish we had gone to that place we always talked about going to. Or we wish we had said the words we always meant to say.
That feeling like it’s too much and it’s too late weighs heavily. And then there is the real and necessary work needed to get someone’s affairs in order. Somehow, we muddle through this while we are freshly grieving.
Nearly every time I or someone I know has experienced a loss, there is some dispute that follows. Where will the funeral be? Is there enough money for a funeral? Who will write the obituary? Who should give the eulogy?
Then come the big questions. What do we do with the house? What do we do about the debt, the car or the belongings? Who is the beneficiary of the life insurance policy? Is there a life insurance policy? Who is in charge and who can we really trust?
Far too often, we struggle to honor our loved ones’ wishes when their wishes are not in writing, accessible and clear.
The National Institute on Aging provides a “Getting Your Affairs in Order Checklist,” with tips on which documents to prepare for the future. Their checklist covers illness and end of life. It includes tasks such as planning for your estate and finances, planning for health care, giving someone permission to speak to your doctor or lawyer on your behalf, establishing a will and telling someone where your important papers are.
What saddens me most is that when disputes happen following a loss, instead of reflecting on fond memories, families often argue over who got the jewelry, the watches, the car, the house or the payout, if there was one.
My grandmother had a horse statue in her living room when I was growing up. More than any other item she owned, that horse reminded me of her hosting holiday dinners, family gatherings and the good memories we made.
I told her many times that I wanted the horse when she transitioned. She told me to get the horse now. It meant more to me than any other family member, and she didn’t have any special attachment to it. In fact, she thought it was a little ugly. After multiple directives from her, I finally took the horse home.
Thankfully she is still with us, but unlike in many other cases, she and I talked about what to do before it was too late. The conversation was still uncomfortable; I was not excited to talk about her leaving this world. Also, that was a small thing, and I doubt anyone else even thought twice about that horse.
But we talked on a good day, when she was in good health and had a clear mind, and she told me what she wanted me to do. And that makes all the difference.
Contact Editor-in-Chief Camike Jones at camikej@indyrecorder.com or 317-762-7850.
Camike Jones is the Editor-in-Chief of the Indianapolis Recorder. Born and raised in Indianapolis, Jones has a lifelong commitment to advocacy and telling stories that represent the community.
