When it comes to shaping a child’s character and values, more is caught than taught, and the impact of a great parent is unparalleled. Indianapolis resident Joshua Bellamy is one such parent. As a single father of two boys, he works hard to set a good example for his children, even when times get tough.
“After my second son was born their mother moved to New York. We were living in an apartment, and she needed a change of scenery. She moved to Brooklyn, and it was the three of us. Taking on that load by myself was hard,” said Bellamy.
After the boys’ mother moved away, Bellamy and his 1- and 2-year-old sons faced financial difficulties and ended up losing their apartment. The church that Bellamy attended provided the family with transitional housing for a year, giving Bellamy time to save money and get back on his feet. Today, the boys are attending first grade and kindergarten. Bellamy is passionate about mentoring young people and now works as a substitute teacher and basketball coach at Anderson High School. In his free time, he loves playing sports with his boys. He says the example his own father set for him inspired him to do what needed to be done for his sons.
“I was fortunate enough to have both of my parents married growing up, and my dad was someone I looked up to, even though we had our battles and differences. Once I became a father, leaving was never an option,” said Bellamy. “It’s sad to see a lot of Black fathers get the negative picture painted. There are a lot of fathers who don’t step up to the plate, who are inconsistent, but there are some who are not like that, and I didn’t want to fall into that category. It’s been a journey with tough times, but it is also very rewarding.”
Father and sons
Wallace McLaughlin, president and CEO of local nonprofit organization Fathers and Families, has seen how determined local Black fathers are working to be a part of their children’s lives. McLaughlin works with more than 1,000 men annually, with around 500 new men seeking services each year, promoting responsible fatherhood, healthy marriages, non-custodial father involvement, ex-offender reintegration and more. McLaughlin feels finances and complicated family situations plague many of the men he works with.
“I was working with young fathers, and it was very clear to me that many of them were not deadbeat dads, they were just dead broke dads. We see fathers of all ages come here every day. They want to be involved, but they face a plethora of social and legal barriers that make it difficult for them to be fully engaged in the lives of their children,” said McLaughlin.
A 2013 report released by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention dispels the myth that the majority of Black fathers are absent, stating that more African-American fathers live with their children (2.5 million) than live apart from their children (1.7 million). This is good news, because statistics also show the presence of a father positively impacts a child’s life. According to the Indiana Fatherhood Coalition, 71 percent of all high school dropouts do not have involved fathers, and 85 percent of all youth in prison come from fatherless homes.
McLaughlin feels that today’s fathers do not have the same resources that fathers had in the past.
“Many want to (be a part of their child’s life) but do not have the resources that would empower them to do so. And it’s a struggle because they are also competing with a changing society and changing cultural morals. How we define families today is complex, and the notion of a tradition family may not be so traditional. Families have less support because they are not as connected with traditional institutions in our society that helped them raise and parent their children in the past, such as the church. Today, it’s less of a community effort,” said McLaughlin.
Austin Burris, godfather to Bellamy’s sons, agrees that it’s hard for fathers to find support.
“Childcare is a struggle. Ask any single parent that is striving to pay for it while picking up kids from school and day care. A lot of people rely on friends to do things, but it’s not likely for a man to call on a guy friend to help babysit,” said Burris. “Obviously we celebrate mothers tremendously, and we should; they are awesome. But the more we encourage and show examples of fathers in the household, there will be more good examples out there. People do well when they see their peers doing well, not when they are being told something.”
Highlighting the many Black men doing well is one of the Fathers and Families Center’s goals. Annually on the Friday before Father’s Day, the center hosts its Faces of Fatherhood Luncheon to honor involved, consistent, aware and nurturing fathers. McLaughlin said he hopes those who attend the luncheon leave with a greater understanding regarding the “complexity of the challenges urban fathers face.”
Some of the challenges include living situations that prevent their children from coming to see them, feeling isolated by the mother of their children or financial difficulties. Bellamy has some words of encouragement for fathers in difficult situations:
“Tough it out and grind. It’s bigger than us. Realize who you are doing it for — your kids. If my dad wasn’t around, I don’t know if I would be the father I am now. Because he set the example, it’s important that I set the example. One day they will be looking to start their own families and trying to emulate us, so I want to be worth emulating.”
For more information on the Fathers and Families Center, visit fatherresource.org.
Joshua Bellamy poses for a picture with his two sons, currently ages 5 and 6.
