Cheating has always been an issue in relationships. Now throw in emails, text messages, Facebook, or Skype and you have a lot more ways to engage in scandalous activities, to add to the already confusing meaning of cheating.
Is sending a flirty text message, befriending an ex-boyfriend on Facebook or simply confiding in someone who is not your mate violating traditional relationship standards? The Bible says anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart (Matthew 5:28). One could argue, according to the Bible, just looking is cheating.
However, Jason Miller says, cheating is when there is a breach in the relationship contract. The couple needs to verbally agree on what they will or will not tolerate.
“Once you know what your partner will and will not accept, then it’s up to the couple to hold up that agreement or the boundaries that were set,” said Miller, a love coach, author, educator, public speaker and radio personality of Healing Hearts Radio.
According to Ashley Brown, marriage and family therapist at Christian Theological Seminary’s Counseling Center, the traditional view of cheating has not completely vanished.
“There is still the traditional view of cheating as a man or a woman having a physical relationship with somebody other than the spouse. What is more common are these emotional different levels and layers that can actually happen because of technology,” she said.
According to Miller, emotional cheating is just as dangerous as physical cheating, but they are not the same.
“I can daydream all day about running someone over with my car, but at the end of the day, I still didn’t run them over with my car. You haven’t committed the act. However once the opportunity presents itself you’re going to cheat, because you’ve imagined it already,” he said.
According to data collected from The Normal Bar, called the world’s most extensive survey on romantic relationships, polling more than 100,000 people, 33 percent of men and 19 percent of women admitted to being unfaithful. Seventeen percent of women who’d been sexually unfaithful and 23 percent of men said it happened only once; and 36 percent of women and 33 percent of men said it happened two to five times.
But that left more than 40 percent of unfaithful men and women who admitted it happened on a consistent basis.
“Cheating is not accepted, it’s just more talked about,” says Miller. “At the end of the day if your man cheated on you, you wouldn’t say ‘oh, OK, I accept it.’ It’s 2013! No, you’re going to be pissed off.”
The Normal Bar also revealed examples of infidelity: Getting close to spouses’ friends – 45 percent of men and 26 percent of women are attracted to their partner’s friend and are tempted to act on it; away on a business trip – 36 percent of men and 13 percent of women said they engaged in cheating on a business trip; others include an old crush, sexual boredom, revenge on partner’s infidelity and those who feel sexually entitled.
Experts reveal that a change in behavior is the No.1 sign your spouse is cheating. Once the act of cheating has been discovered don’t rush to conclusions. Brown suggests the couple seeks counseling when dealing with infidelity.
“In a crisis, people try to stop the bleeding or try to figure out the fundamental pieces of what makes the couple and how that was violated with the infidelity. It’s a difficult thing to move past it, accept it, and forgive while trying to figure out what can work as a couple moving forward,” Brown said.
Miller advises couples to not think they are above cheating. He says not to give anyone the benefit of the doubt.
“Understand everything about cheating, so if there is possibly a problem you’ll be well equipped. Don’t become a victim or another statistic. Know as much as you can, because cheating is happening out here,” said Miller.
Facebook Chatter
The Recorder asked readers “Why do people cheat?”
“I think it’s a lack of respect for themselves, their spouse and an overall inability to be truly committed to anything.” – Teresa Levi
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“One explanation only… They cheat because they are too much of a coward to break up with their partner. Period!” – Lisa Tate
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“Lots of people are just never happy. They always think there are better things out there. That and they just want something different. The same old thing can get boring if you don’t try things to spice it up a little.” – Brian David
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“Many are unhappy in their current relationship. It’s easier for them to cheat to get that instant gratification they seek. Some may allude to it as an adrenaline rush and an escape from reality, others do it simply because they are miserable.” – Alecia Tate
