By BRANDON PERRY
Whether you are married or a single person on the dating scene, having a good relationship can be rewarding emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually.
Things that are rewarding, however, usually require hard work, and many people would agree that trying to make a relationship succeed can sometimes be exhausting.
Simple steps you decide to take (or not take) can mean the difference between a relationship that is a blissful dream come true or a nightmare with a painful ending.
Experts, however, note that a successful relationship actually begins with both people being happy with who they are before even looking for that special someone.
“Generally speaking, what would prepare a person for a relationship is a sense of doing their own work,” said Dr. David Blumenthal, an Indianapolis psychologist with extensive experience in the study of relationships. “In other words, it is important to understand that other people are not responsible for our happiness and how we experience ourselves.”
Blumenthal added that many people believe they are simply victims of circumstance.
“We tend to say ‘you make me happy, you make me mad, you make me sad,’” he said. “Seldom do we look at what we can bring to a relationship.”
Some experts note that the key to a successful relationship is consideration on both sides.
“Relationships can thrive when both individuals have a clear understanding of each other’s needs, then take steps to meet those needs,” said Tamara Wilhelm, a therapist who practices with Imagine Hope Counseling Group.
So what are the needs that men and women typically have? Following are some thoughts shared by local men and women, married and single, on what is needed in a relationship. What you learn may help save your relationship; you can thank us later!
What guys need
“Communication, friendship, love, trust and understanding. Those are just some of the basic needs. Intimacy is also important on both sides. For me I need a woman who can cook (laughing), which my wife does well. She is also a beautiful, caring and giving person with a fun, outgoing personality, and a great mother – qualities I think most men appreciate. Really I think it’s important for people to get to know each other before they enter a relationship, and develop a friendship before dating.”
Mark Dobson (married)
“I need a woman who not simply loves me, but understands, appreciates and can relate to me. We don’t have to have everything in common, but we should be willing to leave our comfort zones and experience some of each others’ likes and interests.
Establishing a solid foundation of friendship is important for a strong relationship, because far too often people get together for the wrong reasons. A relationship should be a learning experience as well as a beautiful journey of love. Both people should make a conscious effort to plan time together so that they can learn and grow together.”
William Jackson (engaged)
“One thing I notice is that some sistahs try to change the men they are with. We don’t like that. We want to be loved and appreciated the way we are, or leave us alone. If you really get to know people first, you ain’t gotta’ change nobody. They say women love compliments, but we do too. It ain’t just about ego, but the fact that all men want to be admired, especially by the wives and girlfriends we care for.”
Derrick Sanders (dating single)
“Having financial security is important so you’re not fighting over money. Women should also listen more and give us a chance to respond to their concerns.”
Kimmuel Oldum (married)
“I value loyalty, commitment and communication so that we can see eye-to-eye on most things.” – Chris Duerson (married)
What ladies need
“An honest man committed to a monogamous, loving relationship and who really listens. Communication and trust are also important. Needs also depend on what stage you are in your life. My husband and I have been married for 15 years and we have three children. Part of my needs would also be for him to be a good father and a good provider.
“Communication, however, is critical. I have a lot of friends who don’t have good communication, or no communication, with their spouse or boyfriend. You have to make time to talk and take time out of the day for each other. You don’t go upstairs in the bedroom and watch TV while the other person is in the basement. Find something you can both enjoy.”
LaWanda Dobson (married)
“Attention, honesty, affection, communication and support are all very important not just for women, but for both people. Without that, you really don’t have a solid relationship.”
Fonda Allen (single)
“I appreciate a man who expresses interest in you because he really wants to get to know you. Many men (not all) go around playing with women’s hearts, sexing them up, and hanging them out to dry. A man should be man enough to be honest about his intentions upfront, and give us a chance to decide if we want the same thing. Also, a confident, secure man is very attractive, because he’s not intimidated by the level of success his woman has.”
Stephanie Thompson (dating single)
“Women need stability, appreciation and a man who will show them love and affection.”
Tamara Oldum (married)
“Communication and building trust is essential. Honesty is also important.”
Ashley Hatchett (single)
