“We have had to fight a war, just to fight a war.”
That’s what a very close and longtime friend of mine said as we discussed the recent repeal of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.”
It was like many other conversations she and I have had over the years relative to the gay and lesbian community. As a journalist, but mostly as a curious friend, I often go to Toya M. to get her perspective on various issues that impact the homosexual community. As someone who is a lesbian, Toya always avails herself to my constant questions. She’s my link to the homosexual community. A community whose perspective I don’t always understand or agree with.
I was, and still am one of those people who are torn on “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.” While I understand repealing “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” because it is discriminatory, I don’t understand why it’s so important for homosexuals (or anyone else) to boast about their sexual orientation.
“It’s not like I walk around telling people I’m heterosexual,” I said to Toya. “Why is publicly proclaiming one’s sexual orientation so important?”
Toya’s response was “We don’t have to let people know, but we shouldn’t have to hide it either.”
Again, I was a bit confused.
“Well now you should be happy because ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ was struck down and homosexuals in the military won’t have to hide their sexual orientation if they don’t want to,” I told Toya. Instead of a pleasant comment on how pleased she was with the repeal, Toya vehemently said, “The repeal is a bunch of bull. People in the military are still going to be afraid to say that they are gay.”
I was confused yet again.
The point of repealing “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” was so that homosexuals didn’t have to hide who they were…they could openly serve in the military and be true to themselves. I couldn’t understand why Toya wasn’t pleased with the changes.
“Because they are now throwing us to a pack of wolves,” Toya said. “Gay people in the military are now in greater danger because so many military personnel are homophobic and may hurt gays simply because they don’t like the lifestyle they represent.”
Finally, rather than being confused, I was enlightened.
Toya had a point. Until something is done to protect gays in the military, they can’t truly be “free” to express themselves.
Perhaps there needs to be a sort of cultural sensitivity training that all military personnel need to undergo relative to homosexuality. There should also be a strong policy put in place that adequately punishes individuals in the military who discriminate against or cause physical or emotional harm to a gay person.
As much as I feel people should be able to freely express who they are, I’m still not sure why someone in the military would actually want to, given their line of work. When the repeal was announced last Saturday, I imagined a soldier currently serving in Afghanistan. Although he was gay, he didn’t exhibit any of the stereotypical characteristics of a gay man. I imagined this soldier announcing that he was gay, and while people didn’t maliciously hurt him, because of their own beliefs, they were less inclined to “protect” him while in combat.
This imaginary scenario reminded me of a conversation I had with a male counterpart before the law was repealed.
“If I’m in combat, I’d probably think twice about protecting an openly gay man by covering his body with my own. While this is a normal thing to do in combat, I probably would be hesitant to do it for him. The same would apply if he was bleeding profusely. I honestly don’t know how or if I would help him.”
The gentleman went on to say that gays in the military were a distraction that could compromise this nation’s security; internally or externally.
As harsh as the man’s comments may seem, they are indicative of how many people feel.
A heterosexual woman wasn’t as concerned about the security of gays serving in the military as she was about their “next expectation.”
“What will they want next,” she asked. “Will gay men serving now want to wear make-up or tie their shirts under their chests while off the field? I think that (the repeal) just opens the door for unreasonable expectations in the future.”
When I asked Toya if the repeal and sensitivity training were enough, she said no.
“It’s not going to be enough until we no longer have to have a conversation about it. It’s a lose-lose situation as far as I’m concerned. There’s no way (the government) can make it even-keel for gays.”
If most homosexuals feel the way Toya does (and I’m not sure that they do), it makes me question the need for the repeal in the first place.
Let me know your thoughts about this topic. Post a comment on the Indianapolis Recorder’s Facebook page, or e-mail me at ShannonW@IndyRecorder.com.
