I am a mother.
Sometimes I shock myself when I say those words, because I have always wanted to be a mother, and now that it is actually my reality, it seems a bit surreal.
I’m not sure at exactly what point in my life I knew I wanted a child, but I suspect I was fairly young. My desire to one day be a parent came from a person who was the absolute best parent a kid could ask for: my mother.
Mom exhibited such love toward me and my brother and sister. As a child I remember always feeling happy, protected and loved — all because of Mom. It was the best feeling ever, so much so that I knew I wanted to give someone the type of love my mother demonstrated to my siblings and me.
As a child, I foolishly thought everyone had wonderful mothers who treated them in the same loving manner my mom treated me. It wasn’t until I was in middle school and I observed the relationship one of my close friends had with her mother that I realized not every mother is the same, and that I was especially blessed to have such an incredible lady in my life. My friend’s mother talked down to her, yelled and cursed her out for no reason at all, and she made my friend work several odd jobs and the mother would take every penny that my friend earned. This friend’s mother felt that even though we were only in middle school, her daughter was responsible for contributing financially to the household. My friend was stressed all the time, her schoolwork suffered, and she truly missed out on aspects of her tween and teenage years because of her mother.
I never wanted anyone to experience the hurt that my friend endured, so I always vowed to be a great mother … and now I have that opportunity.
My son was born last December. It was the best, most exciting and scariest day of my and my husband’s lives. There was such a range of emotions that we both felt, but the dominating feeling was love. Love, that small four-letter word, carries the abundance of emotions that my husband and I continue to feel each day.
Being a mother is truly a blessing from God; only God can create such a bond between mother and child. I remember when I was pregnant, how connected I felt to my baby — from the moment we found out I was pregnant, I had an instant bond with the little life growing inside me. My husband probably thought I was crazy, but I would talk to the baby in my belly all the time. Oftentimes, we’d be home but in separate rooms, and Robert would say, “I can’t hear you,” or “What did you say?” I would respond by telling him I was talking to the baby.
Nothing can describe what I felt when Nicholas was born and I uttered my first words to him; it was evident that he recognized my voice, and the calm that came over him makes me cry to this day. He is my little warrior, and I love that child with my entire being.
Only God can create life.
Only God can give someone like me — who had very limited interactions with newborns, or babies in general — the instinct to effectively meet the needs of our child.
Only God can create the unbreakable bond that holds my family together.
Only God can truly fulfill all the desires of my heart.
Only God can bless me with a mother who instilled such deep love in me that I was motivated at an early age to one day reciprocate that type of love to my own child.
When my mother passed away, I dreaded Mother’s Day. I would stay in my house, and I refused to go to church, a restaurant or even a grocery store, because I didn’t want to see people interacting with their mothers. When my sister’s son was born, I was determined to celebrate the day for her, so things got a little better. This year, I’m excited for Mother’s Day to come, because I can celebrate being a first-time mom, though I must admit, every day with Nicholas is like Mother’s Day. Nicholas is truly my special gift from God, and I am incredibly grateful to him for blessing me with such a gift.
Happy Mother’s Day to all the mothers and mother figures. Your strong efforts do not go unnoticed.
