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Thursday, March 28, 2024

Nobody has time to date

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Today’s society participates in a dating sport known as serial dating. Not familiar with the term? By definition, the serial dater lines up many dates with multiple people, choosing not to center on one person.

Experts report serial dating is a trend this generation upholds. The old ideas of courtship and rituals are disappearing, being replaced with the new standards of relationships and dating.

According to Charles Johnson, relationship expert and author of How to Find the Right One and Make It Last, the dating scene has taken a turn for the worst.

“Dating is courtship. Few take pride in dating, being a good date or planning a good date. Today, single people seem to just hang out. There is no real effort to romance each other. In fact, a lot of my female clients say it’s been years since they’ve been asked on a proper date. Some complain they have never been on a real date,” Johnson explains.

A study by Ball State University found that traditional dating has practically disappeared while young people focus on building their careers. Numbers show the average woman gets married at 26; the number was 20 in the 1950s. In addition, men are putting off marriage for nearly a decade, compared to their grandfathers.

“Dating is not a priority because I am on the verge of getting my real estate license and I need to work to make money,” said 20-year-old Ivy Tech student Eric Lillard. “By the time I am 22 I want to have moved out of my mom’s house permanently, and I can’t do that while I worry about someone else.”

Lillard has been in a serious relationship but believes “it drains you of all your emotional strength and the ability to care about anything else that isn’t related to your partner.”

“I enjoy being with someone when we are really headed somewhere. But what I enjoy even more is when I am single, and I am accomplishing everything I have been trying to accomplish,” he said.

Scott Hall, associate professor at Ball State University, says education and financial security are a priority before marriage with this generation.

“Marriage has been pushed back long enough where young adults have more room to fill,” Hall said. “They generally have intimacy needs and want to make connections with people, but don’t want to look at it seriously now.”

Not only has the thought process changed, but technology now plays a role like never before. People can be more specific in their search for dates. They can go online and pick groups of people who are similar to them, speeding up the process, said Hall.

Meetup Groups, groups of people with shared interests who plan meetings and form offline clubs in local communities around the world, Facebook and dating sites are more popular than ever.

Erica Scott, 30, says she’s flirted and later dated two men she met on Facebook. She thinks it adds spice to a relationship. But right now at the peak of her career as a vintage reseller, dating is too distracting.

“Focusing on building my brand and my goals pushed a committed relationship to the back burner,” she said. “Once I feel at a place in life where I am more stable and have met some of my major goals, I think I may revisit the idea of being serious with someone.”

Both Lillard and Scott say they are happily single. However, Johnson says they can focus on their future and still date successfully.

“As much time as a professional spends on honing their skills in their field, they must spend an equal amount of time if not more on honing their skills in their personal life. Dating takes skill and it takes practice like everything else you’ve learned,” Johnson said.

Although casual dating is on the rise, that doesn’t mean the casualty is negative. Hall says people tend to be overly pessimistic about it.

“Some people equate it with casual sex and that is a misconception,” Scott explains. “I think it should be encouraged that young people meet and enjoy the company of the opposite sex many times over before settling down.”

According to Hall, despite the current casual dating trend, marriage is still popular and is what most people want out of life.

For more information on Charles Johnson’s book entitled How to Find the Right One and Make It Last, visit askcharlesjohnson.com. 

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