In mid-September this year, the U.S. Surgeon General released a report titled, “Parents Under Pressure,” which focused on the mental health and well-being of parents.
The report was very thorough and covered a number of issues. According to the report nearly 70% of parents say parenting is now more difficult than it was 20 years ago with the children’s use of technology and social media as the top two cited reasons. Cultural expectations, societal norms and pressure to meet perceived parenting standards was also a contributor to parental stress.
Now more than ever parents need to monitor and manage their stress when it comes to helping their student grow academically, athletically, socially, and as a person. In my twenty plus years as an educator and school leader, I have seen parents stress themselves over things that either don’t matter or not your problem as a parent … at least not completely.
Grades
Do not stress over grades.
I understand this is easier said than done when it comes to students meeting expectations, getting a good GPA, college acceptance and student confidence. As a parent you want your student to give and do their best, but their best cannot be attached to an A or B letter grade. Some students’ grades stay consistent, and the ups and downs of parents are limited.
However, many students have moments of challenge depending on the subject area, grade they are in, or stage in their young life. It is important for parents to have a good understanding of their students’ strengths and weaknesses to better understand how to support these ups and downs. I have learned as a parent and school leader; it is less stressful if we focus on student growth and student maturity.
Student growth can be described as the upward progress a student is making in their academic lives. Look for students to improve in certain subject areas, reading levels, and stay in tune with what subject areas they are more interested in.
I define student maturity as a student who gradually takes ownership of their learning and school life. Students who begin to manage their homework load, important dates, school events and follow up with teachers are students who are maturing. The more ownership a student takes, the fewer reminders you must do, the fewer screenshots you have to send and the less stress you will have. Help your student plan, get organized, and then step back and allow them to take control of their schedule. This could start as early as elementary school by developing a routine with your student of planning their entire week and giving them the communication tools necessary to advocate for themselves.
Missing work
Many schools have student and parent portals now, where parents can set up notifications, check grades and communicate with teachers.
Canvas is one of the more common portals many schools use. Despite these tools being available to students, some students will find themselves fighting the uphill battle of missing work. Missing work is a problem but does not have to be a parent’s problem. You are sitting at work and get a notification via text or email that your student has a zero for a missing assignment.
Once this happens, the screenshots and text start flying from parents and the student. Your stress levels remain high until you get answers and that zero disappears. To avoid this stress, simply ask your student daily to check their email, check their grades and check their calendar. Usually, a lack of attention to one of these three areas leads to missing work.
Be consistent with spending time with your student looking at their schedule, email, homework and calendar.
Run your own race
As parents we want our students to do better and go further than we have in life.
We want them to get better grades, higher degrees and make more money. We must remember all these things can happen, but our students do not have to travel the same route to meet and exceeding our expectations. Parents add stress to their students and themselves by pushing students in a direction that may not match and fit their own personal journey.
It is important to allow your student to find and manage their path to success. They do not have to get better grades than you did or attend the same college, they simply must run their own race. While your kid runs their own race, be sure to support them with guidance, advice, conversations, and listening. This type of support is a lot less stressful than what we as parents tend to do. Relax, it is going to be ok.